moving on

There comes a time when change is necessary. Sometimes it introduces itself nicely: slowly advancing until you come to the realization "maybe, now that I think of it, I could use something new." Other times the need for change comes out of nowhere and attacks you like a ninja and knocks the sense into you so hard that you have no choice but to try something new. Either way, when the time comes you have to have the courage to act.

It's not easy, no matter how good the changes is, there is a part of change that is painful. And that is why we need to do it. "Pain is weakness leaving the body." "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Yes, these and countless other quasi-motivational phrases have become tired with their countless appearances on gym walls and promotional t-shirts everywhere, but they are based in a real-life phenomenon. If we continue to waddle down the road of life, at ease, content with everything around us, then we are going to miss so many exciting things that life is hiding down the side streets and back allies we blow past just because we are too scared to even look down them. We never know what we are capable of doing until we try- we might fail, but "no risk, no reward." (See the trite phrases just keep a-coming, please see past them and see that I have an actual point, thanks.)

Moving on is hard to do because saying hello to something new means saying good bye to what is comfortable. But the time comes for everyone. Have the confidence to believe that the change in front of you, whatever it is, is a good thing and will make you a better person with more well-rounded experience. I am saying good bye to a great thing, one of the greatest things, and biggest parts of my life to date. I am scared. Petrified in fact. But it is something that needs to be done and I am doing it. Hopefully this is the right thing to do, guess I will find out... goodbye old life, time to start over.

Well I am moving: new home, new people, new job... so many new thing on the horizon which means so many new challenges and struggles ahead. But of course this brings the opportunity for so many good things as well. Some say life is what you make it, some say it's how you take it. Some say you need luck, some say you make your own. You know me, and I believe in balance, so of course I am at the intersections of the two schools of thought and am prepared to work but also hoping that I have a little luck on my side. I believe that the good will out-weigh the bad and I cannot wait to celebrate all the good that this will bring.

it's a new daw, its' a new day...

It's a new year. As most are doing today, I'm sitting here judging myself and my actions from the past year. Some might call it reflecting, reviewing, debriefing... I'm totally judging myself. I mean it's mostly good, but I'm not one to lie and I had my moments that were totally judge-worthy starting with last night, but that's a story for another day. I've been through a lot of ups and downs this year; literally some of the best and worst things that have happened in my life have happened in the last 365 days, and I couldn't be happier about it.

I made and re-made some of the best friendships that have strengthened me as a person and allowed me to truly enjoy life. I've had some of these awesome people that supported me when I most needed it, some that were there fir life's celebrations, and some that challenged me, like flat out called me out, which was painful but so necessary. Part of the existence of this blog (besides capturing the ridiculous series of events that is my life) is to help remind me that no one is perfect and I'm not even close. I have a lot of learning ahead of me and without the occasional push, how am I supposed to get better? So from the bottom of my heart, thank you for giving me the wake up call I obviously needed.

I found love this year. I honestly didn't think it was possible with the way things were playing, but it happened. It hit me like a ton of bricks. And it changed my life completely, for the better because it made me realize it could happen and that I could feel something other than empty. One person brought so much feeling back into my life and really kicked my heart into gear. Although the Wizard of Oz said that they would not be practical until they were made unbreakable, I may be just as happy as the Tinman to have mine back. Of course, this brings back the pain along with the joy, but the lessons learned and the feelings rushing back made the whole things one of the best, most enriching experiences of 2011 and my life.

I found some confidence in 2011. I have a long way to go, but there is definitely significantly more self respect this year than there was last time around and it is starting to make it's presence know (spoiler alert, there are big changes being spurred by this new-found trait in the next few weeks). All in all, 2011 brought great things and with how much farther I am today than I was January 1, 2011, 2012 is primed to be the best year ever and I couldn't be any more excited.

The official 2012 resolutions:

1. Make mistakes. I am giving myself permission to make all the mistakes I want, as long as I learn from them.
2. Try harder. Life doesn't give you anything for free, so I will be working (even more so) my ass off for it.
3. Be (truly) honest. With myself and others, sugarcoating life doesn't do any one any good and it just makes everything sticky.
4. Grow professionally. I need to push myself in my career to make sure I am getting the most from my company and they are getting the most from me; I want to further develop skills and get my name out there for the professional work I know I am capable of producing.
5. Network better. I want to meet new people, make new relationships, and find ways to further connect the people and things in my life.
6. Look good, feel better.  Yes I am reviving this from 2010. They always say to dress for the job you want rather than the one you have, so I am going to really take care of myself and start dressing all impeccable-like and living with the confidence I should have considering what I have accomplished in life.
7. Smile always. I am a generally happy person but evidently my outward appearance does not always show it so bust out your shades people because you are gonna be getting all kinds of flashes of these pearly whites. :)
8. Be real. We all live online, on our phones, on anything that's not really real. And I don't want to have to tell my kids I met their dad (god willing) on Facebook and then have to explain what Facebook is. Wow, I don't want to get old.
9. Love freely. I don't want to hold back anymore, nor do want to grow to be a spinster, so I am going to join the O'Jays and start a Love Train if you will. No more screwing around (those of you that know me well know what I mean).
10. Never settle. I owe it to myself to want better for me and, while respecting reality, I will expect more both for myself and from myself.
11. I'm not perfect. And it's ok. I am going to have my moments where I am a bitch, or a mess, or irresponsible, or immature. I am going to cry, or scream, or embarrass myself. And I forgive myself for that.
12. Ask for help. I am not going to get through this alone and asking my friends for support is not a bad thing, in fact it is good. My friends, family, support system, are awesome and there is no reason for me to be ashamed for needing an/or asking for that help.

to sum it up: laugh. love. learn. always.