3 (long) years

3 years. I have been a real person for 3 whole years. Weird.

And while the better part of my being is tempted to spend my energy looking back on an easier time, I am fighting off the depressing thoughts of how far removed I am from the free-and-fancy college senior lifestyle as I watch those I mentored 3 years ago living the dream that is the final days of college (what? I said fighting, not winning...).  And I think I owe a little of that to myself, but living in the past is neither healthy nor productive so I'll give myself a very mourning period but then I'll tip my hat to the fact that I am growing up.

3 years, I am an adult now:  I'm responsible... for the most part... I mean, I go to bed at a reasonable times...when I need to.... uhmmm.... well, I make plans and budgets...and stick to them... oh wait, no...

HAH - I knew it! I knew I wasn't a full-blown grown-up yet! And of course, I am no longer that crazy, bright-eyed college grad, but that's ok. Because I shouldn't be that anymore. That was then and this is now. Now, I have had so many amazing experiences that have bettered me as an individual and helped me become a more mature person primed for the best years of life.

I realized that today, I have just achieved something great. AND it is the first thing I am able to look back on in my adult life and say "Good job, self. That is an accomplishment you should be proud of." WIN! I finally relieved myself of a burden I have been carrying for years. It was an objective burden amplified by guilt stemming from the fact that I was once weak enough to not only allow, but encourage someone to place such a burden on me. But today I conquered that burden and I think I am finally starting to really forgive myself and move on. Oh crap... maybe I am a grown-up....

Time heals all wounds, but if you have some help things heal a lot faster. And I have had some of the best help a person can ask for. From family and friends that have had my back since I have had a back to have to new friends, mentors, and experiences constantly teaching me and providing a fresh take on life - I am fortunate to have had such a strong and positive force pushing me through this last 3 years and molding me into the pretty awesome woman that I am today.

I am looking at this major accomplishment as the fresh start I have been searching for. As the springboard into the next phase of adulthood (while still avoiding actual grown-up status for as long as possible. Call me crazy but I am feeling like a lot of good things might be happening soon. Here is hoping my feeling is right.