i used to... but now...

Hope. Future. Possibilities. Was it really only a few short years ago that the world was my oyster and all this sand was nothing but pearls in the making? Where did that go? 

Fewer than five years into true adulthood, that larger than life, can-do attitude has faded into the shadow of fulfillment hiding in the lining of a briefcase that now get tossed idly around. That briefcase was once a goal, the dream. Countless all nighters researching markets, proofreading papers, putting finishing touches on (read: starting and completing the entirety of) the presentation, all to get to the day that I would have that briefcase. And now I cannot wait to stash it in the trunk of the car on a Friday. Did I fail to cultivate the passion I once had? Or rather, did the passion just shift and my stubborn mind refuses to follow my heart (and honestly who can blame the brain? Does that heart even know what it wants anyway? Hint - no.). 

I read all these listicles, because the internet has now expanded from cat pictures and baby videos to include these too, abut what your 20s are supposed to be like. And sometimes I find comfort in the fact that more than a few individuals spend a solid decade of their lives wandering aimlessly. But sometimes it makes it worse. How do we take a bunch of briefcase-idolizing go getters and turn them into a bunch of lost children in a few sort years?

I get it. I'm not going to know all the answers now. And that is precisely why life is such a confused mess. But some days it would surely be much easier if I could at least see the light.