you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover...

... but you can, and you do.

We all know the adage about the inside being what matters; that the content trumps the package in which it is delivered. But what happens when we grow up and realize that the cover actually matters. Of course we know we need the substance, but dusty books with odd covers are often left on the shelf regardless if the content. And what good is even the greatest story when it never reaches eyes because it's fate was dictated by the facade that supposedly matters little compared to the value within?

How unfair is it to the complex and fulfilling stories to have to sit idly by as their shallow and unimpressive counterparts fly past them off the shelves simply because their flashy exteriors announce (false) promises to the world? And even when those promises fall short it is somehow ok because they "appear" to deliver? How comforting is that simple adage then? Not very, and it sucks. But the thing about books is that they got stuck with their one unchangeable cover. Us people, we can enhance our covers.

Now I am not saying that we should have to break ourselves only to squeeze the pieces of our former selves into a mold shaping us into an unrecognizable being. But I am saying that if the story is great, so should be the cover. And if the story sucks, then so should the cover. The cover should be an accurate preview of whatever (insert adjective here) is contained within.

We always try to be ourselves, displaying as much of our story on the outside as we can (or know how).   But the things with people is that sometimes we don't realize how awesome our story actually is. We don't necessarily give ourselves the same chances of having others want to really invest themselves in our story because we keep the dusty jacket of yesteryear. And we should change that.

Sometimes our stories change. The way we presented ourselves yesterday might have been a perfect advertisement of the story within at that point, but our stories are constantly evolving with each experience. And sometimes we forget to update the outside to make sure our current story delivers on the promises of the outside, which we know really matters.

So look at your cover and listen to your story, and make sure that your story delivers on its cover promises. And when your appearance isn't as awesome as your story - refresh it. And when your story isn't as awesome as your cover - go live your life and write the story that delivers on those promises.

growing up

Forget about breaking up, growing up is what is hard to do. When you are a 20-something, you're too young to be old but too old to be young. Your years of thinking you knew it all are but a distant memory yet, you know the years of actually knowing anything are still way, way, WAY off in the distance. You've made enough mistakes to have some clarity, but the vision is still hazy enough to have no clue what obstacles are still out there - even though you know there are way more of those than there are patches of clear sky ahead of you.  It's daunting - the only thing you are sure of is that you are not sure of anything.

It seems you can't do anything right. In fact, do you even know what right is?

You want to do what is right for you but with the changing times, there are so many options for what that right thing could be it is hard to judge whether you are actually on the right track. The days of being able to compare yourself to your peers to ensure progress went by the wayside with dowries. It can no longer be assumed that men will follow in the pre-destined footsteps of their father in the family trade nor should women to simply expect to be wed and preparing a nursery within a few years of graduating from high school.

We've obviously come a long way from that, but all these possible options presents an opportunity that is equally as terrifying as it is liberating. With so many options it is comforting knowing that there is likely going to be one that works for you but hard to figure out which is the best. And even harder to determine how to define success when everyone's success is now so customized rather than the one-size-fits-all success of generations past.

Being in between is difficult, but I guess this is why we focus in on the fact that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. We might have no clue how to define success or identify when we have achieved it, but we do have the opportunity to experience life with every attempt at getting it right. And maybe, just maybe, one day we will look back on this time in our lives and be thankful that it played out the way it did because being clueless and in your mid-20s was really living.

the hard way

You are never going to learn things the easy way. Because that's not learning, that's luck.

You learn more from doing (correctly or incorrectly, even though you learn more when it it the latter even though it is more painful and/or stressful) than from thinking or theorizing or pondering. But just because it is the best way does not mean that it feels the best.

Sometimes it sucks to learn a lesson. Sometimes it sucks even more to realize you are learning a lesson you thought you were way beyond learning. Sometimes it sucks the most toe learn that lesson and realize that you are nowhere near where you want to be because you have based so many choices on a pre-enlightened mindset.

Guess what? Time to move on. You can't change the past, you can't go back and "only know then what you know now." All you can do is make the future as much as you can with the knowledge that you have.

And don't forget- just because you change what you want, doesn't mean you get to say that you didn't get what you wanted in the past. It just means that you have to accept that you have changed (for better or for worse) your goal; you got exactly what you wanted, it's just time to want something new.