I almost called this post, "Time Heals All Wounds." But then I realized that was a boldface lie. Well, maybe not, but it is not a statement I feel comfortable saying emphatically (or at all). Time may ease the sting of even the worst burn, it may fade bold colors into nothing more than a faint outline, it may even turn a boulder into the grains of sand that wash upon a beach. But the truth is that time changes, it doesn't erase- that faint memory of what was, even if only a mere shadow of its former self never ceases to exist, it just exists differently.
Source: http://youtu.be/LZ0epRjfGLw
Today I am different. Time has not stopped my existence, rather it has altered the way I exist and I would like to think for the better. I am NOT that same girl that just two years ago dragged herself across a graduation stage already wishing she could undo that walk and what it represented. That girl exists, and its a good thing. Because that girl, as much as the mere idea of her brings pain, she is the shadow of what was, the reminder of what has been and will not be again. Treasured for what she was, but appreciated as only a mere a memory, not an omen.
Today I am different. I have been doing this whole "real life" thing for a full two years now, TWO YEARS. And a lot has happened in that time: I've gone from full time student to full time marketer, from confident senior in the protective bubble of college to the low man on the totem pole of life, from petrified interviewee to petrified interviewer (ok maybe not THAT much has changed...).
Today I am different. This is an interesting day for me- a celebration of a great time in my life (and another great time a year later), but also a painful reminder of the past. It has made this time of year has been a struggle- on top of the fact that it is already the "in between" time. Spring- not warm and clear enough to really be summer nor cold and raw enough to be winter, unpredictable- not crazy enough to call it busy season, but not slow and steady enough to phone it in (like I am even capable of that...). In a word, complicated. In two, overwhelmingly so.
It is a beginning... and an end.... and a beginning.
Take this as an opportunity to appreciate the pleasure and pain brought on by the memories of the past, but remember that those memories are no longer the boulders that once weighed you down and they have become the sand that you can now use to build your castles of the future. Take the extra time to look at what you have already built to get where you are, and what you can build more to the future.
I wish I could say you're welcome, but thats not me. The song that I am poorly trying to make my point with actually goes "thank you for being a friend." But I am starting to realize that most people don't actually want friends, at least not by my definition of friend.
one connected to you through reasons beyond comprehension, yet based in actuality
one that supports and encourages, but also kick you in the @$$ when you act like an idiot
an honest voice, a strong hand, and an easy relationship based in love
The lesson I have learned (the hard way, per usual) recently is that people do not really want friends, they want people that will listen to them bitch about their life, give advice when requested, and idly stand by as they ignore said advice and continue to do whatever it is that has been "ruining" their life. People don't want friends to help push them to become better people; they want parrots that will mimic anything they say.
Don't get me wrong, friendships are based on people with many things in common, but that doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything the other says. In fact, sometimes it is healthier for everyone to have a constructive conversation around a disagreement. I don't believe that you should blindly follow anyone- it will only get you into trouble.
I am not sorry that I prefer mature relationships where my friend does not let me blindly act stupidly, my friend stands up to me and says the things that I need to here even if I don't want to, and (most importantly) my friend trusts in me and in our relationship enough to feel that we can have the tough conversations. I am sorry for those of you that think your best bet in life is finding "friends" that will consistently agree with you and either disregard their feelings or not have enough of a backbone to develop their own feelings and simply assume yours.
They say that you are lucky do die with a few real friends. And the longer I live, the more I believe these things. Unfortunately this means less time for certain people in my life, but fortunately that means more time for those that matter more to me and matter more in life.
There seems to be so much entangled in this (not so) simple re-statement of 3 words. With the constant drone about jobs (or lack thereof) and employment rates (or lack thereof) and hope for eminent resolution (or lack... I think you see where I am going with this), it is easy to see why so many conversations happen around how important work is to life. We live in a consumerized society and as much as this time is forcing many to go back to basics and re-evaluate what is really important in life, we haven't turned up with anything new.
Living a life filled with loving relationships matters, but we knew that.
Enjoying life's little moments is important, but we knew that too.
Making yourself and others feel fulfilled is all we need, and yet another thing we already knew.
Great, we know what matters- but even Maslow will tell you that you need your basics covered before you can start thinking about that.
And unfortunately, contrary to every love song ever written, love is not all you need. Love doesn't pay the bills, love doesn't keep the lights on, love doesn't put food on the table. Sure, love makes everything worth having, but when you spend so much time just figuring out how you are going to afford to have anything, even only the most basic anything, love and life take a back seat. Even life goals related to work take a back seat to work. As much as we don't want to make life all about the "almighty dollar," it seems as though we have little choice.
I am very fortunate to have been put in a situation where I am able to work in both a positon and an industry I am not only prepared for, but willing to work in and within 2 years of graduation. And believe me I KNOW how lucky I am. Yes, I worked hard and made the most out of opportunities afforded to me, but I know that there are fellow young adults out there that have worked just as hard and have yet to even BEGIN to think of working in a career they prepared for, all while dream careers are being filed next to "super hero" and "princess" in the "not gonna work out as a full time career" drawer.
So this all brings me to the ultimate question- do we work to live and do just what we need to do to get by and enjoy the genuinely good things in life along the way. Or, do we live to work and continuously try to progress ourselves and the system with the hopes that one day life will allow us to enjoy those genuinely good things? And worse yet, does the work always get in the way of life? Does it have to?
I don't know.
The best conclusion I can come to is a story that was shared with me by one of my business professors my senior year of school: More Than Money - What is "The Good Life" Parable. (And if you are more musically inclined, Kenny does a pretty good job of telling a similar story in the soothingly melodious way only he can: Kenny Chesney - The Life.) The story completely stirs up more questions than it answers, but sometimes the problem is solved by simply getting yourself to ask the right questions.
*NOTE: I do not own nor claim to own the rights to the video content. All original authors are respected and appreciated for their contributions. They made the point first, I just happen to agree.
All I did was lay in my bed. Call me lame, call me old a heart, call me a loser with no friends (call me maybe? ok now ou can REALLY call me a loser with no friends). I don't think it much matters what you call me as long as we are all clear on the fact that I didn't do anything except work late and avoid most human life forms. I have already referenced the fact that it's been a while since the last posts which menas you have missed a lot. No need to wast time going back over everything you will catch up soon enough.
Most of the happenings in my life at the present time are like that of a soap opera- every day seems to bring so many new revelations and crazy plot twists, but really you haven't missed enough to be lost and everyone still looks exactly the same as they did 5 years ago (well maybe not that part but maybe if I get enough anti-oxidants and CoQ10 I can make it happen?). Point is even though so many things have happened there has been a lot of running in place so you'll be up to speed sooner rather than later.
So back to me being in bed. I worked late today. After having a conversation about not working my life away this morning (remind me to discuss this one in more detail), I worked until 9 o'clock tonight. #stubborngirlproblems. And working a long day is never good, except when the alternative is a choice between 2 equally appealing and appalling things. When there seems to be no right answer, it's always nice to have the decision taken away from you.
I hate that I am in a position where 2 activities that are suppose to be fun become anxiety provoking because of the larger societal implications of doing either to the opposing audience. Following? That's ok, me neither.
Most days friends make your life better. Some days the make it worse. Friends are indeed the family you choose for yourself, but once those friends become family then you are just dealing with the same family problems as before. So this family is dealing with one of the standard rough patches. Until then, maybe a few extra nap times.
Yeah, I know- I haven't posted in a while. I could do what I always do and apologize for something that is not really my fault and/or something I need not apologize for something along the lines of: "I am sorry I have been a bad blogger and not posted for a while, I swear this will be the last time that this happens."
I'm calling shenanigans... on myself. We all know that there is a valid reason for this lull in activity and there will be other valid reasons to follow. I don't feel the need to explain why; we are close enough for that to be ok, right? Right.
Also, I am working on not undermining myself by apologizing unnecessarily. Don't get me wrong when I need to be sorry I will apologize like it is an olympic sprot and I'm going for gold. But to apologize for unfortunate life situations that are out of my control? That is simply me taking on problems that are not in my area of control, and i really do not have the time or the emotional capacity to take ownership of the universe's shortcomings.
All that being said, I recognize and accept ownership of the fact that it has been a long time since a quality, well thought out post. But I'm not going to be sorry for it.
