i get attached. so what?

I have feelings.  They come out when I get close to people.  I pretend like it doesnt happen, but it does.  And its hard for me to deal with.  Really hard.  Because not only am I dealing with this difficult emotion but also because I am pretending to be so ok with it.  So im not just trying to hide a feeling, but fake another one.  I am good at faking things, but that doesnt make it easy (or preferable).

Is it so bad to have feelings?  I've spent so much time avoiding them that I am not even sure anymore.  One of the things that I love about myself is how much I care about others.  I just hate how it always seems to get me in trouble.  Passion is a great thing, but it can really get you in trouble because that intense feeling takes over ration and common sense.  That's what's so magical about feelings, when they are so strong that they make you forget that you are supposed to be a rational, process-driven entity.

I love that feeling of being swept up in the moment, not caring what makes sense and what doesn't.  But it's also scary knowing that feelings can do that.  So I guess I understand why I tried to turn them off for so long.  Sometimes when you can't handle things, you go into self preservation mode and the easiest way to deal with an issue is to... well, not.  But life does not operate on the premise of "if you ignore it, it goes away."  We need to address our issues, face them head on, especially when it is a difficult one.

So I get attached.  I care.  And from now on, I'm done pretending otherwise.