you can't always get what you want

Sometimes you don't know what it is that you want.  When you are young and the world is your oyster, the world presents so many opportunities.  When you play, you let your imagination run free.  One day your stuffed animals are jurors in a courtroom as you recite lines overheard on TV law shows, the next they are guests at your table as you create then some inedible meal of Play-Doh spaghetti, and the day after that you are rescuing them from a burning building.  You can literally be anything you want to be, anything.  You don't have to be good at it, its not real.  You aren't going to lose sleep over convicting an innocent bear, giving food poisoning to a bunny, or not being able to save the turtle.  In fact, you are spending so much time focusing on the fun, that you don't even realize there would be consequences.

Kids play "doctor", not "navigating malpractice insurance" for a reason.

As we get older, we start narrowing down our hobbies; find the things that we are most passionate about and focus our time and energy there.  Sure we still play a few sports in high school, we take a variety of classes, participate in a number of clubs- but you have your favorite.  Then in college the field gets even further narrowed down.  Things start becoming more real, consequences become more evident and a need for more focus is determined and we, as smart human beings, do our best to make that commitment and accomplish more in that particular field.  Somewhere along the lines, most people make this decision about what it is they are going to do, for real.

For some, the lucky few, it comes more naturally- their passion and talent align.  They simply focus on what they are best at, and add a little extra effort to make it work for them.  For others it's a little trickier, but still do-able- their passion is great, but the natural ability to support it is not.  They have to work hard, put in a real effort to be able to turn their passion into their livelihood, but with enough passion, a little guidance and education will get you there no problem.  But there is another option here and this is where I find myself.  At a place where the passion and talent are indeterminable.

How can I make progress when I do not know where it is that I want to progress to?  I know I want certain things in life, but I am still searching for that driving force.  Maybe there is a powerful skill I have yet to discover that will help me out.  Or maybe I will develop a passion for something so deep that I will have no choice but to devote future endeavors to it.  But until then, I stand at a crossroads, so desperately wanting to move forward, but with so many directions to choose from I feel so stuck here.  I need to want to go my own way.

You can't always get what you want.  Because sometimes you don't know what exactly that is...