passion

Does passion even matter anymore?  Sometimes I feel like we are all robots, just going through the motions- very good and the what, where, when, and how, but terrible at the why.  No one cares why they do anything anymore and I don't like it, not one bit.  I've haven't even been in "corporate America" for a year and I feel worn out and tired- shouldn't i be 50 before I burn out?  I came into the workforce all bright-eyed, full of dreams of making a difference and changing the world.  And I find myself getting so sucked into the mechanics of it all, that those colorful dreams are getting replaced by grayscale realities.


What is life without the why?  Philosophers spend their lives answering the why questions, trying to determine the meaning of life.  People dedicate their entire lives to it while most can't even be bothered to think about it at all.  Just being perfectly content doing everything they are supposed to, just to do it, I guess so that they can say they can.


Quite frankly, I am not a robot.  I have a brain and more importantly a heart and I want to use them.  I want to enjoy the things I do and not only do I want to know the reasons, I want to enjoy the reason for doing them.  I know that there is a lot of passion inside me: passion for life, passion for people, passion for wanting to do something with my life.  I want to make an impact.  I am still searching for a productive way to embrace my passion and inject it into the world.  


Life is the journey, not the destination.  Life IS the why.  I don't want to look back and say "why not?" so why not live my passion today?

but who's gonna save me?

As people, we are concerned with people, I'm pretty sure it is what makes us humans.  We want to take care of each other, to love and be loved by one another, impress one another; we want to belong.  Our lives are based on the way we incorporate others into it.  The way that I consistently find myself involving myself with people is by being there, listening and supporting them in their life goals.  Most of the time, that is all people want- someone to listen to them, to make them feel like the most important thing in the world, even if for only the 5 minutes we are listening.


It might not feel like it, but we can save people in a way, just by listening to them.  It makes them feel bettered and more empowered than  before, but also makes us better for having helped.  Sometimes, we get so caught up in saving in others we forget to save ourselves.  But I don't think we can actually save ourselves; we can look out for ourselves, we can make sure we have what we need that we are taken care of, but we cannot save ourselves.  We need other people- people to tell us we are wrong, people to tell us how to be right, to bounce ideas off of, to correct, to collaborate with, to talk to, to love.


We all need someone.  And we might not realize who it is until they are no longer there.  But when we do have that person or group of people we need to embrace them and support them in they way they (knowingly or unknowingly) supported you.  Not just because you never know when you are gonna need them, but because helping them is a way of helping yourself.


This whole thought makes me think of the quote that I first came to know when I visited the Holocaust Memorial in Boston.  Everyone needs someone to be there for them to be their best- be that someone when you can and embrace that someone when you have them.

“They came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.  Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they cam for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.  Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was Protestant.  Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up”  - Martin Neimoller

The Memorial- you really should go take it in one day if you ever get the chance.

I need a crystal ball.. or not.

Can you tell the future?  Because I sure as hell can't; I'd like to, but quite frankly I just can't.  You never know what's going to happen and that's what makes life fun... and scary.  They tell you to prepare for the worst and hope for the best.  But that never works.  You still get all worked up and anxious, thinking that the best case senario could not be any further from the realm of possibility.  You get so focused on preparing for the worst that you forget about the best.  Then you end up spending your life being scared.  But is it really living?


Nope.  If you spend your life being scared, you don't get to enjoy life and it's craziness (and yes, just because it's crazy, doesn't mean it's not enjoyable (yes, I know that you aren't supposed to use double negative, but it's by blog and I'll be grammatically improper if I want to, get over it.)).  And ironically, the way you live life will indeed dictate your future.  Just like I have said before, everything that happens makes a lasting mark on your life.  Every moment- no matter how large or small- becomes a part of you and the way you live your life from that day forward- whether you want it to or not.


Just as every moment becomes part of our life, every reaction to everyone of those moments  becomes part of our character- which is then tested at the next forever life changing moment.  And this, my friends, is what negates the need for a crystal ball.  Our character determines our future- for better or worse.  You have heard the term "self fulfilling prophecy," and such is life.  The way we chose to react in life dictates what life gives us to react to.  


When you think about it like this (whether you by it or not), you have to at least take a moment and think about the way you tend to react.  You might not change the lens through which you view life, but you should at least realize what the specs are for the one you are using.  So maybe instead of just wising we knew what the future held for us, we should just staart living in a way that invited the life we want to unfold before us.  You get what you give, scratch that- you get what you live.  So let's live the way we're supposed to- the way we want to.  "Make it happen."

gone but not forgotten

You're going along in your day, just going along all "la-dee-dah" and whatnot and then something comes and drags you down out of nowhere.  Maybe it's a song (most times it is a song for me), maybe it's a picture, maybe a smell, and maybe it's nothing at all.  You know when it happens because all of a sudden, you can't breathe- it hits you that hard.


It is easy to let one thing from one aspect of your life, in your day even, seep into the rest of it.  We are not compartmentalized: work, home life, friends, family, hobbies, interests, weeks, weekends, they all blend together.  And that's a fine concept when were are talking about how multidimensional and full and rich our lives are, but it's terrible when something bad happens and you become a distracted, despondent cranky-pants (yes, that is an official term) all because the aerobics instructor chose to bring remixes of old school love songs (which were awesome btw, just not that ONE song) or your boss nit-picks your presentation.


Everything that happens to us in our lives becomes an intrinsic part of our being.  Whether we recognize it or not, even the smallest happenings affect the outcome- the person who we will become.  Sometimes we don't notice when these things happen, sometimes we forget (and/or block out, whichever).  But just like our friends in high places, these moments come out of nowhere, when we least expect it.  I can't say that we should just prepare for it, because not only should we not, we can't.  All we can do is remember that moment as it was when it decides to come barreling back into our lies and re-evaluate it with our outlook on life through our current lens- much different that when it happened for sure- and appreciate the change that moment made, for better or worse.


The moments pass, but the affects are everlasting; it's what makes this journey just that,  journey.  We travel past people and through events, but they will always be hanging out in our rear-view mirror, making the path forward more clear and ride more interesting.

friends in high places

People have a funny way of being there for you when you need it.  When you feel alone and like no one is on your side, your cheering section seems to pop out of nowhere; it's a great thing, really.  I know I get so caught up in life and doing whatever needs to get done that sometimes I forget that I am not, in fact, in it alone.  Even when we are constantly surrounded by people, it is easy to forget about the support systems that we have worked to prepare for ourselves.


We are social creatures.  We need each other to learn from and teach, to listen to and advise, to follow and to lead.  Our relationships make us stronger and whether that strengths comes from our relationships building us up or our relationships tearing us down so that we must build ourselves up, we grow as people because of the rest of the people in our lives.  I thrive on social interaction, so much so that I only realize it when I am alone.


Today I was reminded, in a very good way, about the important role that people play in your life.  And how no matter how alone you feel, there is someone to support you in just the way that you need to be supported.  Sometimes we forget that we are not an island; we don't have to keep going at it alone.  We can ask for help and take the support others offer us as a way of elevating ourselves to meet the challenges of life.  


That being said, you really do get what you give- when you give your heart to someone, they will return the favor.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but they will be there when you need it, possibly when you least expect it.  So when we have left our island on our (inevitably) cushy yacht, we should remember to stop by a neighboring island and help out one of our fellow travelers in this journey of life.  


As much as people get on my nerves from time to time and as deeply hurt as I have been by people, I know that those that are in it for me and in it to win it, no matter what.  Thanks friends.  I couldn't do it without you. :)

you cant't always get what you want

Done.  Well I mean, what do you want from me?  As far as my thought of the day goes, that's pretty much it.  

Oh, FINE, I guess I'll to add some substance to this thought: there are things that you want that you just can't have.  And it sucks.  I wish it wasn't the case, that you could just work hard until you got EVERYTHING that you want instead.  But there are some things that regardless of how hard you work, that will never be able to attain.  And, although I am reluctant to admit it, that is not a bad thing.  If you could get everything you wanted, there would be nothing to aspire to.  Although you need to set incremental, attainable goals in order to promote growth and track your progress, you always need a level that is just that little bit out of reach to keep you motivated to keep upping the ante and continue your personal/professional/intellectual development.

As insightful and logical as that sentiment is, it really doesn't make wanting  and not having feel any better.  Wanting is not a good feeling; we want (there is is again) to act on it, take some sort of action to transform a want into a pleasurable experience for ourselves.  We are motivated- some more than others- to make ourselves happy and pursue our desires.  But when we can't, what are we supposed to do?  Well first, you throw yourself a pitty party (just a short one, it's deserved from time to time), then you take a step back and realize what makes up the thing that you desire- this way, you can break it down, focus on the elements that are more attainable get those and keep the rest of it in the back of your mind until you have made progress.  Then you can work on the rest.  And you might find that it isn't even what you really wanted in the first place.  

You might not be able to have it all or at least have it all now.  But you can get some satisfaction, might not be in the way that you think, but it will be there.  And use that little bit of pleasure to encourage yourself to continue working towards the rest of it that may or may not become yours eventually.  Don't get lost in wanting what you can't have, as hard as that might be, focus on the joy of getting what you can have and let the rest of the pieces fall where they may.  You'll get where you need to be, life has a funny way of working out like that.

free form destiny

Someone asked me where I wanted to be (professionally) in 5 years today.  My honest response was, "that is a great question."  I have no freaking clue where I want to be five years from now- I barely know where I want to be tomorrow!  Thinking back five years ago, did I think I would be sitting here with my markting degree in a technology company doing B2B marketing? NOPE.  Did I think I would be living where I live, with who I live with?  NOPE.  Did I think that any piece of my life would be the way it is?  NOPE.  I think you get the point. 


But it's not like I didn't have a plan.  In fact, I had a very detailed, structured five year plan.  Everything from career, to continued education, to hobbies, to personal relationships was mapped out, color coded, I'm pretty sure I even had a couple of flow charts kicking around.  Seriously!  But somewhere along those five years, life happened.  And here I am floating around, my main concern being staying afloat, I haven't even begun to think about where I want to go let alone how I am going to get there.  This is a problem in my life.  Or maybe it's not.


After establishing that I have no freaking clue where I want to take my professional career, I got some great advice from two of my mentors- you know you have good mentors when two of them have the same advice.  "Think about what position you want to be in five years from now, figure out what skills that would take, and keep a list of both skills that you have that fall in line with the position requirements as well as those that you need to acquire before you have the full gamete.  Work on getting experiences that build the skills you are missing and there in lies your plan."


Brilliant advice if you don't know how to get where you are going: start at the end and work backwards.  However, it doesn't really help if you have no clue where you want to be in five years.  The point being, you can plan, execute, review, and repeat all day in order to meet your goals, but figuring out what goals to set has to come from somewhere.  I would refer back to my head vs. heart post.  They both have their appropriate functions: our brain can easily figure out how to get where we are going, but our heart has to select where that destination is.  And until it decides where you want to go, it's ok to float, just make sure you enjoy the ride.

what the hell just happened?

Have you ever have a whirlwind weekend?  One of those strings of days where life is happening so fast that you forget to enjoy it?  Life can get overwhelming- sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a "I can't breathe anymore" way.  Yeah- it's exhausting; I need another weekend just to recover from my weekend.  Thankfully, this most recent whirlwind was one of good times with good people, but for better or for worse the feeling is the same.


Life doesn't stop, it doesn't slow down- it is what it is.  You have to take steps where you can to make sure you get to live while life is flying by.  It is an effort, taking the most from what life has to offer as it whips by you.  Especially because we are constantly bogged down but the "if only's" of yesterday and the "maybe's" of tomorrow that we forget the "here-and-now's" of the moment we are in.  We can't appreciate what we are doing because we are concerned about what we are forgetting or what we have to or will give up in order to do what we are doing.  It's sad really.  Life seems to have become more about the preparation and debriefing more than the actual events.  


We need to be mindful of these kinds of things.  We need to spend our life living, rather than planning how we are going to live it; even the best plan becomes useless if it is constantly being iterated and reiterated rather than acted out.  We must remember that life is but a series or fleeting moments and once they come and go, we don't get them back.  We may get second chances in life as far as people, places, and things are concerned, but a second chance comes with a new series of moments- we will never have the SAME moment back to do it.  


Thankfully, we have things and/people in our lives to remind us of the precious moments in life.  It is different for everyone.  Maybe it's your mother telling you to put your phone away.  Maybe it's your friends telling you to put down the camera and enjoy the show.  Maybe it is a loved one we have to say goodbye to too soon.  Maybe it is something as simple as watching the rain wash a freshly chalked piece of art down the drain.  Whatever your reminder is, take it- live your life now, enjoy every brief moment, and appreciate the take aways from ever experience.

one step forward, two steps back

Every day is a new one unlike the one before.  In theory we are some better versions of ourselves as we have thoughtfully contemplated out life choices of the previous day and have grown as a result.  Not always the case.  Most of the time I find myself having made strides in one are of life but feeling like a failure in another; so much so that it almost overshadows the successes that I had.  

Both successes and failures are important in life, and I know that.  But why can't the success outshine the failures?  Why does does forward progress come with something dragging you back?  I was thinking about this as I was listening to my mix CD from high school that I found while cleaning.  Positive = loving the songs that are now throwbacks, negative = between memories that the songs bring back plus the general sentiment of some of them really got to me.  I really wanted to just enjoy the awesome awkwardness that was this mix of songs (many of which were remixed) but I couldn't honestly enjoy it.  It made me think of how often I let the negative in the situations I encounter take over.

Most of the time, there is little reason to focus on what's dragging you down.  We get caught up in life and go with the motions, but as soon as we take a few steps back we see that we are simply caught in the tide and can easily get to the warm sand of the shore with just a little effort.  So rather than one step forward and two steps back, maybe it's really two steps back to realize that you are moving forward.

Every day will be better than the last because you are really an improved version of yourself- it's time to realize that we have the ability to make life situations better by controlling them rather than just floating along hoping that it all works out.  It's hard to conquer, but remember that you become better at it with each experience.  Take your steps back, take control, and live the life you want to.

every time it rains

I know why they wrote that song, the rain SHOULD go away and come back another day... for us only to sing the song again to make it leave once more.  We don't lik the rain, which makes sense- the rain stinks!  The skies are gray, the roads are slippery, your hair frizzes, you can't bring your nice bag out, puddles seem like the Pacific Ocean separating you and the office building with the potential to ruin your pants.  Long story short, rainy days are crappy days.  And everybody shows it; no one bursts in the door celebrating the "glorious weather" on a rainy day, unless they are trying to make a joke (which really isn't even funny considering a statement like this just remind you of the crappy weather which brings down the mood.).  But where would we be without the rain?

Rain nourishes the earth, water is necessary for life.  Not just because all living things need water, but because we need something to compare the nice days to so that we know they are, in fact, nice.  In nature, there is balance- for every weed there is a flower, for every desert an ocean, for every cat a dog.  Nothing comes without an opposite in some sense which we need to give us the full picture of life.  So as much as I hate the rain, I know it is necessary to make the nice days nicer, literally and by comparison.

Too bad it's not easy to remember that on the rainy days.  I always find myself sad, unproductive, cranky, moody- generally unpleasant.  And on top of that I find that everyone I deal with has a fairly poor disposition as well.  Makes for an even longer and more miserable day than usual.  The whole day gets me down, and the further I get the more I just find myself going through the motions and begging for the night to come and take away the day.  But I don't want to go through life waiting for it to be over.  Even if it is only one day, it is one day that I will never get back and I spent it wishing for an end.  FAIL.

Life should be appreciated for what it is, not spent wishing and hoping and definitely not just waiting.  We need to embrace what each day gives us, no matter how crappy it seems.  In fact, it is these crappy days that will give us more in the long run.  Life is, after all, what we make it more so than what we are given.  Carpe diem.  Take the bull by the horns.  Attack life and don't let it attack you.  The rain brings nourishment, renewal, invigoration.  So even if today was a bust, tomorrow is brimming with the possibility of success, don't let that one go.

excuses, excuses- words, words, words

We are all our own worst critic; work, love (or lack thereof) life, relationships, activities, life in general- everything that we do presents an opportunity to succeed or fail, both of which we do.  No one is perfect, no one is THAT unfortunate (yes, that is a sprinkle of the always positive, upbeat me shining through).  But regardless of our actual performance, we always seem to pick out what didn't go as perfectly as it could have.  And no matter how much positive feedback we get, we still manage to shrug off any and all of the positive the situation and focus in on every minute detail of our failure.

We complain, we get mad, we get angry- we do lots of things that are quite unbecoming but somehow help.  We go to the people we trust and ask for their opinions on the situation and we patiently await their response highlighting all the great things that happened and all the wonderful things we did (and maybe they toss something in that recognizes we weren't perfect...maybe).  No sooner do those words of encouragement leave their lips, we are swatting them down with our hot negativity.  We come back with how it doesn't matter what the circumstances were or what else was going on, we should have been better, faster, stronger, and all those other things Kanye is and we aren't.  We are miserable, well I am when this happens to me.  And what's even worse, bad things tend to happen in groups and (since attitude is everything) we tend to make things worse for ourselves.  It seems like we only have one option as far as how to react, but do we?

In situations where things don't necessarily go your way, you can be one of two things- a victim or a player.  When you take role of the victim, you look at all the things that were working against you and make yourself feel like you had no chance with all these things working against you.  When you take the role of the player, you take full responsibility for everything that happened on yourself.  Throughout life, I was groomed to be a player more so than a victim (because society says players are successful and victims are nothing other than lazy).  It was always about owning my actions, and making it happen regardless of the circumstances.  We all know the sayings: "Rule #76, no excuses play like a champion," "excuses are like... a certain body part (yeah that's good enough), everyone has one and they all stink."  We are groomed to own our flaws and not "take the easy way out" by placing the blame on anything other than ourselves.

But is an excuse ever something more?  Are there ever times where there are things that are simply beyond our control and circumstances really do limit our abilities in some way, shape, or form?  Yeah.  As much as we focus on what we did- or didn't- do and try to take responsibility for everything by dissecting our actions and defining all the things we "could have" done differently to foster a more positive outcome, there are, in fact, some things that we cannot control.  Of course we should take the learning experience for what it is and become better individuals for it, but we can't take it all on.

As with most situation in life, it is about balance.  We have to own our actions while also recognizing the circumstances in which those action must take place.  While we should be proactive and responsible, we also have to give ourselves a break every once in a while.  We can be dedicated and motivated and all of that while also recognizing that we aren't the only variable; keep taking the weight of the world on your shoulders, but know that you can't take responsibility for the few pounds it put on.  Sometimes are excuses are more than words (but only sometimes).

the young and the stupid

When I was 16, I knew everything.  When I was 18, I knew I was stupid at 16 but the remainder of my high school career had made me ready for life thereafter.  When I was 21, I knew I was dumb at 18 and even dumber at 16, but now that I had the first few years of college under my belt, NOW I was good- I didn't need anything else.  At 23, I know that I had no idea what I was doing then, nor what I am doing now, and have finally admitted, I very well might never know what I am going to do.  


When you are in the moment (good or bad), nothing else exists.  Everything feels so majorly life changing; no matter how little or big the moment actually is in the scheme of life, in that moment, it is so all-encompassing you can barely breathe.  And when the canned answer is "it will get better with time," or, "it's really not going to make as much of an impact as you think," the world seems against you.  But recently I found myself in the uncomfortable position of realizing I gave one of those trite responses when solicited for advice.  I literally told someone (younger than I was), that it seemed like a big deal now but "in a few years, it won't matter, you'll be able to look back on it and laugh... or at least not cry."  


REALLY?!?!  Those words, came out of MY mouth.  With sincerity?  Wow.  I had officially shocked myself.  Me, Miss Over-Emotional, said (an meant) that.  I mean I do have to admit, even in my "older/wiser" mindset, I still have a firm enough grasp on my "younger/dumber" side to add the caveat of "I know it feels like your world is crashing down around you" before the "it's gonna be ok."


As much as we learn from out own mistakes and experiences, we learn from others.  That is what inspires me about people; I cannot change what happened to me yesterday, but I can change what happens to you tomorrow.  Sorry, the million dollars you wanted won't be on your doorstep.  And, no, you won't be waking up next to a supermodel in the morning, but I can help you look at things from a perspective you might not have otherwise.  And eve that does not necessarily mean life will be better.  But it's hard to say definitively.  I believe that everything we read, do, say, feel, experience impacts us enough to make a difference, even if we don't see it.


There is truth in the fact that you learn something new everyday.  Your education does not stop when your presence in a classroom does.  In fact, once you stop frequenting a classroom is when you actually begin to learn.  I have learned more in the last ten and a half months than I ever have.  I finally stopped worrying about having the right answers and starting concentrating on figuring out ways to get to them; a shift of focus from the end to the means.  I have let the pressure of perfection slip away- it's ok not to know everything.

independence day

Yes, I am looking forward to summer this much, but that is not the purpose of the title.  We spend our entire childhood wanting to grow up and be on our own and do everything for ourselves.  I remember feeling trapped by my surroundings, simply waiting for the day when I could be totally independent; making decisions for myself rather than having the choice dictated by my circumstances promised to be wonderfully liberating.  Then I woke up in the real world being all independent and whatnot, and you know what?  It's not all I planned it to be.  Yes parents- you were right, happy?

When we are really young- our caretakers make all our decisions for us.  We start going to school and we take the classes we are told and do the activities our parents think are best.  Then, in high school, we are given more options with class selection and activity- but more often that not that is just an expansion of following what we had been told to do by our investing ourselves more in them.  And really we make the decisions based on more technical things like what will get us into the college of our choosing for example.  Then we get to college - ULTIMATE FREEDOM... but then again not really.  While this is the first time really out of the nest as they say- we still have a slew of things and people to direct us: graduation requirements, resume building, and the desire to land our dream job guide our more academic/career decisions while counselors, professors, and advisors help us with life's difficulties.  

The life happens.  And although the rug isn't pulled out from underneath us per se, the safety nets that have been forever getting further and further away seem to have vanished completely.  There is little other than ourselves that guide our decision making.  And while it feels good while everything is coming up roses, our first encounter with a weed makes us realize how much easier we had it when someone had laid out our outfit for us the night before.  We know we are capable of taking in the facts, processing the information and our feelings around it, and making the right decision.  But it's scary.

Fortunately, we still have people there to help- friends, family, mentors, the internet, the crazy cat lady down the street (hey, don't judge, when you are trying to make a tough decision you will seek advice from and a conversation with anyone); so many people are willing to provide their insights and give advice.  But that's all it is- advice.  Yeah, sure, it's from people who have been there and done that, but their situation and emotions make it such that they will never be able to give you an empirical right answer to what you are facing.  It's the blessing and curse about life- we all go through similar experiences, but just like fireworks, no two are alike.  

We have to remember that we are smart people, we learn for our experiences, and we have people that want to support us through life offering up their knowledge for our benefit.  Take a deep breath, take everything in and know that at the end of the day, you got your wish for independence; time to make your decisions your own and then to own your decisions.

haves and have nots

So I may have made a major life decision tonight; rather than wishing I grew up in the 80's as opposed to being born in them, I might just wish I grew up in the 60's.  I went to see Hair with my mother, 2 aunts, and my grandmother.  Really not as awkward as you would think considering the night consisted of 3 hours of sex acts, acid trips, and a full-fontal of the entire cast.  As great as the theater experience was (highly recommended), the message it offered was even greater.

Obviously it was the typical message you think of when you think of the 60's- "hell no we wont go," "make love not war," "peace & love."  And obviously this is right up my ally seeing as I own a shirt that says "make love not war."  Now that I think about it is in neon 80's colors, hmmm... there's an interesting coincidence, but we'll leave that for later.  So even though there are so many places I could go with this type of idealistic viewpoint being thrust (and I literally mean thrust) upon me, what stood out the most is something even more basic.  There is one point in the story where one of the main characters is asked the series of questions all us young adults dread: "What are you doing with your life?" "When are you going to grow up and make the responsible choices?" "What do you have?"

The character's response was a song (it's a musical, duhh!) with a canorous list of body parts.  He literally listed everything from eyes and ears to arms and hands to legs and toes; then, more importantly, moved on to highlight that he has his mind, heart, and soul.  Pretty basic stuff.  Was is the answer to the question?  Yeah.  Was it a total wise-ass response?  Of course, he was a hippie people- fight the man and keep up won't you!  Was it a GREAT response? Hell yeah- in so many ways.

So what if it wasn't much than he was born with?  That's what really matters in life, these are the basic things that make us who we are- the things that no one can take away from us or discredit us for in any way.  Not only is his highlighting the basics as important a powerful sentiment, the mindset that drives this enhances it as well; he is focusing on what he has, not dwelling on what he doesn't.

As a culture we get so caught up in what we don't have; we get concerned that others have more than we do, are doing better than we are.  We get lost in the "if only's" and forget what really matters and all we really do have.  We have so much, there are always so many things that are going right in our lives.  But somehow one negative outweighs 2, 3, 4, or even more positives.   This is not a way to lead a happy life and so we need to be reminded of these things.  This is what the purpose of art (as idealistic as it is) is- to remind us not to get bogged down with the unfortunate realities and reinvigorate our sense hope.  We need something to motivate us to get up everyday- positivity and idealism work for me. 

subjective objectivity

So on my way home from the gym tonight I saw a guy walking down the street. Normal looking guy doing nothing other than minding his own business, walking down the street.  And what was my thought?  Why is no one honking at him?  Why can't I?


Now I am not trying to brag, and if you know me, you KNOW I'm not, but I can't walk from my house to the gym without getting a honk, with or without an inappropriate commentary.  But this guy can go about his business, walking down the street without being bothered (well I'm assuming here, for all I know he leads a tormented life in which case I feel badly, but for the purposes of this story he is a normal guy that is just walking down the street, unbothered).  This moment, of course, makes me think about the way that women are viewed and valued in our society.  


Women have a come a long way from what we read about in history books in school.  But we are still not on an equal playing field with men.  Maybe I'm skewed by the career I have selected for myself, but I know that I cannot "play the game" the same way a man does.  There are other things (like size and personal style) that are taken into consideration regarding women that aren't the same (or at all) with men.  And vice versa- I'm not trying to play the feminist card, I simply can only speak to the experiences I have had (and none of them have been as a man).  Woman have and will always play an important role in society... the phrase "separate but equal" comes to mind.


But anyways, back to my story.  So this situation I have just encountered is making me think about how women are objectified, more so than men.  Proven by this man's undisturbed walk when I cannot do the same.  Then I realized- I JUST LEFT THE GYM!  The gym, of all places; the place where I am making an effort to enhance my physical appearance (aka giving society an excuse to objectify me).  Yes, there is an element of physical well being, but in all honesty I go to the gym to look better.  


Oh the irony- I'm sitting here getting upset by the way women are objectified, and I'm making it easier.  Talk about screwed up.  Not my proudest realization, but it is what happened.  So what did it teach me?  That I need to do what I do for me and no one else.  And that I need to recognize that society operates in a certain way and just because I can't change it does not mean I can just ignore it.  At the end of the day, as long as I can look at myself and like who I am and the way I am navigating this crazy world, then I have done the best I can and I can be happy with that.

natural glow

So today, my random musing of the day was how frustrated I was with myself for having let my hands turn orange due to the inappropriate application of tanning moisturizer.  That's as deep as it got.  Then my mind started to wander to whether or not I could compose an entire blog post on my moisturizer mess up.  Stay with me now...


So I took the situation and broke it down into its simplest form, why was I frustrated?  Because I had created an unnecessary problem for myself by choosing to ignore a painfully simply activity that I knew would have a larger positive impact in the future.  I literally made a problem for myself by consciously not taking action that I easily could have.  Yeah, sure, I just have orange hands this time, but how often had I done this in the past in much more serious situations with more serious implications?


Too many.


Procrastination on assignments and studying in school, missed networking in my professional career, not making effort in my personal relationships.  I wouldn't call the list endless, but I wasn't having any trouble finding examples of times where a simple action in the beginning would have made my life worlds better later.  But what really got me?  Is that I kept doing it; why was I not learning my lesson?  Why are my hands orange?


In the moment, we make the best decision we can with the facts and resources available; not always an optimal decision making environment, byt that doesn't change the fact that we need to make the decision.  And we make that decision, we must live with the consequences (don't hate me for using that phrase, I'm already hating myself enough, but- ughh- it's true.). However, we have the benefit of hindsight (it's 20/20 don't you know) and I need to take better advantage of it.  


We might not always make the right decision in the moment, but if we take the time to analyze our decision making based on the results, the ease/difficulty of getting there, the pain/pleasure caused, we learn.  We learn how we operate and how effective we are.  And when we do this, we become more successful in the future.  Insightful, right?  Totally, but remember, I'm still orange.  It takes time, and lots of experiences, and a little reminder that we should be seeking out these learning experiences and being our own teachers.


Bet that's the last time you doubt my ability to make something out of nothing. ;)

(un)reality

As a culture, we have become OBSESSED with reality television- don't try to tell me that it is not one of your favorite things because if you don't show your passion publicly, it is easily on of your top 3 guilty pleasures, so admit it (even if only to yourself while you finish reading this).  I love it so you're not alone.  But as entertaining as these shows are, how real are they?  

We all know (although we might not want to believe) that the final episodes have not only been crafted by putting intense people in even more intense situations that have been enhanced by competition, alcohol, sex, or some combination thereof, but also have been edited, rearranged, and put back together to form a seemingly natural progression.  Why does this matter?  Because it messes us (quasi)normal people up- screws with our perception of reality; makes us think that our lives should be more extreme and somehow convinces us to push ourselves into situations that we normally wouldn't.

Reality TV is a giant social experiment- mixing different people, situations, incentives, punishments, and locations together and shaking it until it creates entertainment. It makes me wonder what my life would be like if I grew up in a time where television producers didn't offer their version of "reality" to the masses, altering behaviors that were considered appropriate or not, popular or not, normal or not.

Maybe when our grandparents or even parent told us about the "good old days," they were, in fact, good because everything was more genuine, more real.  Friendships weren't made by a poke, conversations didn't have a character limit, and we actually had to travel places to see them.  In an age of obsession with reality, how real are the lives we actually lead?

head vs. heart

Why is it always an epic battle?  Being a well studied girl, I know that your brain is a well oiled machine, as you have literally spent the entirety of your life training it and testing it to make sure that it is ready to get you through difficult choices when they come up in life.  You get confident in your ability to think rationally and make decisions based on facts, backed up by previous experiences.  It's great, you're ready to go.


And then it happens- decision time.  Life throws some crazy thing at you and you have to make a decision.  Ok brain, your turn to shine- hit me with the right decision based on reason, logic, and facts!


And it does (it always does).  But for some reason, your heart decides it wants to chime in- and it wants to be heard.  Seemingly out of nowhere, your heart starts making decisions based on wishes and dreams and rainbows and butterfies or some other nonsense.  Your brain knows this is a terrible, terrible idea, but even though your heart was not trained properly for these types of decisions- it's a hell of a lot louder than your brain; it wins.


You get hurt (shocker).


Your brain never lets you or your heart forget that it's wrong.  And your heart vows to surrender all decision making efforts to the brain from this day forward because it doesn't want to hurt like this again.  You eat your pint of ice cream and/or entire tube of cookie dough, shed some tears, and move on- a stronger, wiser person you become.  Then comes decision time again.  Your brain delivers, your heart yells, your heart wins and the pain ensues.  


Does it hurt?  Yup, most of the time.  Do we learn?  Yeah... well, eventually.  Is it the best way to go through life?  Yes, because if we let our brain win all the time then we risk losing out on the time our heart is actually right; that time where the pleasure makes you forget you ever knew what pain was.  


The heart is very useful- impractical as the wizard says, but even a man made of the coldest metal wants to feel.  In the epic battle of head vs. heart- the head should be consulted, but the heart wins.

all in good time

I hate that saying.  Maybe it's because I'm impatient, or maybe it's because it is just something people say to postpone dealing with the present, even if that's inevitable.  I guess it could be any reason, but the point is that the phrase, "all in good time," makes me want to punch things.  Almost as much as "everything happens for a reason," but it is all along the same sentiment, which is one that both irks me and makes me think.  

It drives me nuts because it takes away control, and it is natural to want to have control over your own life.  But at the same time it makes me feel less responsible for whatever bad thing just happened to me- and let's face it, this only comes up when bad things happen.  It's just such a contradiction; whenever you have someone telling you "everything will happen when it is supposed to," there is always someone else telling you "go out there and make your own opportunities."  So which is it?

Well for me it's both; depending on the day, I like either of those theories better than the other because I- like any other human being- will choose to believe one over the other as long as it makes me feel better at the time.  But I guess really the best solution is an awkward combination of the two.  

Part of life is dealing with what it throws at you.  They're not all gonna be softballs, I'll tell you that much.  But the other part is dealing with how you handle it.  You can't play the blame game and expect to win in any way, shape, or form.  Things are going to get you down, things are going to bring you up, but the way that you react to it is what really makes it as good or as bad as it is going to be.

So I guess it is time for me to get a firm grasp on my attitude and start making the most out of what life has to throw at me.  Although if life wanted to throw a couple more softballs, I wouldn't hate it.  I mean who doesn't want to knock one out of the park every once in a while?  Until then it's time to focus on the positive, expand upon it, and turn your lemons into lemonade... or lemon cream pie... or lemon drop martinis- hell, open an entire lemon themed restaurant.  Whatever you do, strike your balance between fate and making your own future so you can be a peace with yourself and find happiness.