close your eyes and leap

There are songs, quotes, and generally supportive friends everywhere touting the adage of believing in yourself and taking chances and other nonsense that has no historical proof point, data validation, or case studies to speak of. None, nada, zip, zero. And yet we think it's fine just jump into the next big adventure shouting things like, "no risk, no reward" and "with great power comes with great sacrifice." No wonder  we close our eyes before we leap, we can't bear to see the impending doom before it (hopefully) turns into the great opportunity for which we so desperately yearn. It may or may not also have to do with out determination to defy authority as our older and wiser predecessors always remind us to look before we leap, but that's another post.

Are we insane?

There must be a reason why we think this is somehow acceptable behavior. And, in fact, there is- things happen, there are reasons. The truth is the answers are never clearly displayed before us; black and white seems to have died with the silent film. Now ambiguous greys and distracting noise fill our minds with doubt where clarity will never genuinely land. We have to go out on a limb, make choices based on feelings rather than facts. Frankly, we don't have the time to wait for them.

We take the facts we have, organize them into lists and charts, even the occasional infographic and we throw ourselves into information overload resulting in nothing more than utter confusion. Our pro and con lists grow so long that they render themselves useless. Our cost benefit analyses just leave the users feeling taxed. So the facts can help us, to an extent, but the more we analyze the further we get from an answer. So when it comes time to make a decision we go with what is in our heart... or our gut depending on how you operate. Either way we are ignoring all statistical analysis and going with arbitrary choice.

Photo Credit: Katrina Duke

And when that doesn't work we end up back at the top of this posts listening to empowering playlists, reading self-help blogs, and begging out friends to recite those trite aphorisms. I mean, we need to get the confidence that our analysis failed to provide us in some way. And we do. We have great friends, family, and advisors that push us (lovingly of course) off the edge of what ever decision cliff we are so precariously balancing on in the moment; sometimes they wait for us to close our eyes, sometimes they don't, guess that depends on your friends. The point is we make it off the cliff and we land. We always land.

Not going to guarantee a graceful landing, you might end up with a scrape or bruise or two but land you shall. And if my friend is right I am going to end up taking a leap of faith in myself and land smiling. Guess this risk is one I am just about convinced I am willing to take, see you on the other side.

I need a crystal ball.. or not.

Can you tell the future?  Because I sure as hell can't; I'd like to, but quite frankly I just can't.  You never know what's going to happen and that's what makes life fun... and scary.  They tell you to prepare for the worst and hope for the best.  But that never works.  You still get all worked up and anxious, thinking that the best case senario could not be any further from the realm of possibility.  You get so focused on preparing for the worst that you forget about the best.  Then you end up spending your life being scared.  But is it really living?


Nope.  If you spend your life being scared, you don't get to enjoy life and it's craziness (and yes, just because it's crazy, doesn't mean it's not enjoyable (yes, I know that you aren't supposed to use double negative, but it's by blog and I'll be grammatically improper if I want to, get over it.)).  And ironically, the way you live life will indeed dictate your future.  Just like I have said before, everything that happens makes a lasting mark on your life.  Every moment- no matter how large or small- becomes a part of you and the way you live your life from that day forward- whether you want it to or not.


Just as every moment becomes part of our life, every reaction to everyone of those moments  becomes part of our character- which is then tested at the next forever life changing moment.  And this, my friends, is what negates the need for a crystal ball.  Our character determines our future- for better or worse.  You have heard the term "self fulfilling prophecy," and such is life.  The way we chose to react in life dictates what life gives us to react to.  


When you think about it like this (whether you by it or not), you have to at least take a moment and think about the way you tend to react.  You might not change the lens through which you view life, but you should at least realize what the specs are for the one you are using.  So maybe instead of just wising we knew what the future held for us, we should just staart living in a way that invited the life we want to unfold before us.  You get what you give, scratch that- you get what you live.  So let's live the way we're supposed to- the way we want to.  "Make it happen."

free form destiny

Someone asked me where I wanted to be (professionally) in 5 years today.  My honest response was, "that is a great question."  I have no freaking clue where I want to be five years from now- I barely know where I want to be tomorrow!  Thinking back five years ago, did I think I would be sitting here with my markting degree in a technology company doing B2B marketing? NOPE.  Did I think I would be living where I live, with who I live with?  NOPE.  Did I think that any piece of my life would be the way it is?  NOPE.  I think you get the point. 


But it's not like I didn't have a plan.  In fact, I had a very detailed, structured five year plan.  Everything from career, to continued education, to hobbies, to personal relationships was mapped out, color coded, I'm pretty sure I even had a couple of flow charts kicking around.  Seriously!  But somewhere along those five years, life happened.  And here I am floating around, my main concern being staying afloat, I haven't even begun to think about where I want to go let alone how I am going to get there.  This is a problem in my life.  Or maybe it's not.


After establishing that I have no freaking clue where I want to take my professional career, I got some great advice from two of my mentors- you know you have good mentors when two of them have the same advice.  "Think about what position you want to be in five years from now, figure out what skills that would take, and keep a list of both skills that you have that fall in line with the position requirements as well as those that you need to acquire before you have the full gamete.  Work on getting experiences that build the skills you are missing and there in lies your plan."


Brilliant advice if you don't know how to get where you are going: start at the end and work backwards.  However, it doesn't really help if you have no clue where you want to be in five years.  The point being, you can plan, execute, review, and repeat all day in order to meet your goals, but figuring out what goals to set has to come from somewhere.  I would refer back to my head vs. heart post.  They both have their appropriate functions: our brain can easily figure out how to get where we are going, but our heart has to select where that destination is.  And until it decides where you want to go, it's ok to float, just make sure you enjoy the ride.

all in good time

I hate that saying.  Maybe it's because I'm impatient, or maybe it's because it is just something people say to postpone dealing with the present, even if that's inevitable.  I guess it could be any reason, but the point is that the phrase, "all in good time," makes me want to punch things.  Almost as much as "everything happens for a reason," but it is all along the same sentiment, which is one that both irks me and makes me think.  

It drives me nuts because it takes away control, and it is natural to want to have control over your own life.  But at the same time it makes me feel less responsible for whatever bad thing just happened to me- and let's face it, this only comes up when bad things happen.  It's just such a contradiction; whenever you have someone telling you "everything will happen when it is supposed to," there is always someone else telling you "go out there and make your own opportunities."  So which is it?

Well for me it's both; depending on the day, I like either of those theories better than the other because I- like any other human being- will choose to believe one over the other as long as it makes me feel better at the time.  But I guess really the best solution is an awkward combination of the two.  

Part of life is dealing with what it throws at you.  They're not all gonna be softballs, I'll tell you that much.  But the other part is dealing with how you handle it.  You can't play the blame game and expect to win in any way, shape, or form.  Things are going to get you down, things are going to bring you up, but the way that you react to it is what really makes it as good or as bad as it is going to be.

So I guess it is time for me to get a firm grasp on my attitude and start making the most out of what life has to throw at me.  Although if life wanted to throw a couple more softballs, I wouldn't hate it.  I mean who doesn't want to knock one out of the park every once in a while?  Until then it's time to focus on the positive, expand upon it, and turn your lemons into lemonade... or lemon cream pie... or lemon drop martinis- hell, open an entire lemon themed restaurant.  Whatever you do, strike your balance between fate and making your own future so you can be a peace with yourself and find happiness.