blahh

What do you do when nothing is wrong? When you are going through life, there are going to be times where there are obvious challenges ahead of you and your task is to think hard, work harder and do whatever it takes to get through it. From these challenges, we learn and grow and become generally better. And hell, more often than not we find a way to roll some good times into that process. But what do we do when nothing is, in fact, wrong?

You would think this scenario is a near nirvana, the utopia that we constantly search for throughout our lives. But just because nothing is wrong, does not mean that everything is right. Or anything for that matter. When things are wrong, we push ourselves. When things are right, we work to maintain that same level of satisfaction. But when things are neither, there is little reason to work for any reason; you have dug yourself a rut and you are safely trudging away in it.

The monotonous back and forth of daily life only deepens the lame state of being. And the only way out is to identify your place in that rut and strengthen yourself mentally and physically to remove yourself from it. Little is going to present itself as a means of forcing new behavior or reinforcing existing ones. 

Sometimes I find myself waiting for a sign. A sign that I am doing something right, or wrong, or anything. Because, frankly, this rut is killing me. I have worn away the ground beneath me in my frantic pacing. The walls grow as the ground sinks, closing me into the chamber I have put myself in; a physical representation of the feelings whizzing around my being. But I am not so sure the sign will show itself. 

So I must pick a direction and force myself to travel thusly. Even if it is not right, it should be wrong enough to force me to want to make it right once more.

you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover...

... but you can, and you do.

We all know the adage about the inside being what matters; that the content trumps the package in which it is delivered. But what happens when we grow up and realize that the cover actually matters. Of course we know we need the substance, but dusty books with odd covers are often left on the shelf regardless if the content. And what good is even the greatest story when it never reaches eyes because it's fate was dictated by the facade that supposedly matters little compared to the value within?

How unfair is it to the complex and fulfilling stories to have to sit idly by as their shallow and unimpressive counterparts fly past them off the shelves simply because their flashy exteriors announce (false) promises to the world? And even when those promises fall short it is somehow ok because they "appear" to deliver? How comforting is that simple adage then? Not very, and it sucks. But the thing about books is that they got stuck with their one unchangeable cover. Us people, we can enhance our covers.

Now I am not saying that we should have to break ourselves only to squeeze the pieces of our former selves into a mold shaping us into an unrecognizable being. But I am saying that if the story is great, so should be the cover. And if the story sucks, then so should the cover. The cover should be an accurate preview of whatever (insert adjective here) is contained within.

We always try to be ourselves, displaying as much of our story on the outside as we can (or know how).   But the things with people is that sometimes we don't realize how awesome our story actually is. We don't necessarily give ourselves the same chances of having others want to really invest themselves in our story because we keep the dusty jacket of yesteryear. And we should change that.

Sometimes our stories change. The way we presented ourselves yesterday might have been a perfect advertisement of the story within at that point, but our stories are constantly evolving with each experience. And sometimes we forget to update the outside to make sure our current story delivers on the promises of the outside, which we know really matters.

So look at your cover and listen to your story, and make sure that your story delivers on its cover promises. And when your appearance isn't as awesome as your story - refresh it. And when your story isn't as awesome as your cover - go live your life and write the story that delivers on those promises.

i've got a new attitude

So Friday was a bad day.  Can't give you on reason why exactly this was the case, but that is not the point here... quite the opposite actually.  My lesson of this weekend is that being positive attracts more positivity.  So rather than thinking about what may or may not be bad, we focus on what is good.  Shifting your focus to what is good in life, in turn, allows more of the good things in life to be center-stage.  It is easy to get sucked into a black hole in life.  The "when it rains it pours" mentality might be true, but it is only enhanced by our tendency to bring ourselves down but focusing on the negative.  I have spent way to much time being a negative nelly lately and this weekend and its roller coaster-esque nature seemed to be just the thing I needed to snap me out of it.

Yes, the story from how I went from a sobbing mess in a robe and a shower cap clutching a bottle of white wine (yes it was JUST as pathetic as it sounds, acually porbably more pathetic than it sounds) on Friday night to an arguably over-positive attitude today required QUITE the transformation- physically, mentally, and emotionally.  And it happened, oh boy did it ever happen.  Thankfully I am very fortunate to have people in my life that can kick me into gear when I least want them to, but most need it.  I had friends that literally picked me up when I was down, made me clean up my act (which did not turn out so badly if I don't say so myself...) and forced me out of my comfort zone, pushing me past this crazy state I was in.  Positive- I learn I can push past life adversities.  Then my friends, my new attitude, and myself hit the town!  Positive- confidence building experience, here we come.

Now we've had two negatives and no positives.  It's coming, a negative, we knew it was bound to happen- I mean between my unfortunate wine induced state earlier in the evening and my obsession with cafe petron I may or may not have made some...um...not completely thought out decisions later that night.  Negative- shit happens, BUT positive- just because you make a mistake, doesn't make you a bad person and I am a little bit smarter about certain life situations (turning a negative into a positive, see what I did there).  Cue awesome friends.  If your friends aren't dolling you up and taking you out to get you out of a funk, then they are getting in sweats, staying in and doing dinner and a movie complete with boy talk, too much dessert, and tissues if necessary.  Positive- friends are everything in life and I have so many phenomenal ones to keep me centered.

And the positives keep coming with fun snacks, making great connections with even greater people (highlight), deepening friendships, and taking time to explore interests and the more I focused on the great things that are in my life, the happier I became and the harder it was for the things that are not going well for me right now to bring me down.  I even got bad news today and took the extra minute to find the silver lining.  Something that would have flat out knocked me out for a solid day was takencare of with just a little ice cream and raviolis instead of a salad for dinner.

So after a weekend of craziness leading to one solid day of positive thinking I was able to see myself reacting better to negative situations- progressing and learning from them rather than stewing and letting them bring me down.  Maybe there is something to this whole positive thinking thing.  I am going to take this as far as it will take me.  Even the 2 am infomercials give you 30 days, and this process has proved itself after just 1, I'm sold.  Hot negativity make way- I've got a new attitude.

gone but not forgotten

You're going along in your day, just going along all "la-dee-dah" and whatnot and then something comes and drags you down out of nowhere.  Maybe it's a song (most times it is a song for me), maybe it's a picture, maybe a smell, and maybe it's nothing at all.  You know when it happens because all of a sudden, you can't breathe- it hits you that hard.


It is easy to let one thing from one aspect of your life, in your day even, seep into the rest of it.  We are not compartmentalized: work, home life, friends, family, hobbies, interests, weeks, weekends, they all blend together.  And that's a fine concept when were are talking about how multidimensional and full and rich our lives are, but it's terrible when something bad happens and you become a distracted, despondent cranky-pants (yes, that is an official term) all because the aerobics instructor chose to bring remixes of old school love songs (which were awesome btw, just not that ONE song) or your boss nit-picks your presentation.


Everything that happens to us in our lives becomes an intrinsic part of our being.  Whether we recognize it or not, even the smallest happenings affect the outcome- the person who we will become.  Sometimes we don't notice when these things happen, sometimes we forget (and/or block out, whichever).  But just like our friends in high places, these moments come out of nowhere, when we least expect it.  I can't say that we should just prepare for it, because not only should we not, we can't.  All we can do is remember that moment as it was when it decides to come barreling back into our lies and re-evaluate it with our outlook on life through our current lens- much different that when it happened for sure- and appreciate the change that moment made, for better or worse.


The moments pass, but the affects are everlasting; it's what makes this journey just that,  journey.  We travel past people and through events, but they will always be hanging out in our rear-view mirror, making the path forward more clear and ride more interesting.

natural glow

So today, my random musing of the day was how frustrated I was with myself for having let my hands turn orange due to the inappropriate application of tanning moisturizer.  That's as deep as it got.  Then my mind started to wander to whether or not I could compose an entire blog post on my moisturizer mess up.  Stay with me now...


So I took the situation and broke it down into its simplest form, why was I frustrated?  Because I had created an unnecessary problem for myself by choosing to ignore a painfully simply activity that I knew would have a larger positive impact in the future.  I literally made a problem for myself by consciously not taking action that I easily could have.  Yeah, sure, I just have orange hands this time, but how often had I done this in the past in much more serious situations with more serious implications?


Too many.


Procrastination on assignments and studying in school, missed networking in my professional career, not making effort in my personal relationships.  I wouldn't call the list endless, but I wasn't having any trouble finding examples of times where a simple action in the beginning would have made my life worlds better later.  But what really got me?  Is that I kept doing it; why was I not learning my lesson?  Why are my hands orange?


In the moment, we make the best decision we can with the facts and resources available; not always an optimal decision making environment, byt that doesn't change the fact that we need to make the decision.  And we make that decision, we must live with the consequences (don't hate me for using that phrase, I'm already hating myself enough, but- ughh- it's true.). However, we have the benefit of hindsight (it's 20/20 don't you know) and I need to take better advantage of it.  


We might not always make the right decision in the moment, but if we take the time to analyze our decision making based on the results, the ease/difficulty of getting there, the pain/pleasure caused, we learn.  We learn how we operate and how effective we are.  And when we do this, we become more successful in the future.  Insightful, right?  Totally, but remember, I'm still orange.  It takes time, and lots of experiences, and a little reminder that we should be seeking out these learning experiences and being our own teachers.


Bet that's the last time you doubt my ability to make something out of nothing. ;)