close your eyes and leap

There are songs, quotes, and generally supportive friends everywhere touting the adage of believing in yourself and taking chances and other nonsense that has no historical proof point, data validation, or case studies to speak of. None, nada, zip, zero. And yet we think it's fine just jump into the next big adventure shouting things like, "no risk, no reward" and "with great power comes with great sacrifice." No wonder  we close our eyes before we leap, we can't bear to see the impending doom before it (hopefully) turns into the great opportunity for which we so desperately yearn. It may or may not also have to do with out determination to defy authority as our older and wiser predecessors always remind us to look before we leap, but that's another post.

Are we insane?

There must be a reason why we think this is somehow acceptable behavior. And, in fact, there is- things happen, there are reasons. The truth is the answers are never clearly displayed before us; black and white seems to have died with the silent film. Now ambiguous greys and distracting noise fill our minds with doubt where clarity will never genuinely land. We have to go out on a limb, make choices based on feelings rather than facts. Frankly, we don't have the time to wait for them.

We take the facts we have, organize them into lists and charts, even the occasional infographic and we throw ourselves into information overload resulting in nothing more than utter confusion. Our pro and con lists grow so long that they render themselves useless. Our cost benefit analyses just leave the users feeling taxed. So the facts can help us, to an extent, but the more we analyze the further we get from an answer. So when it comes time to make a decision we go with what is in our heart... or our gut depending on how you operate. Either way we are ignoring all statistical analysis and going with arbitrary choice.

Photo Credit: Katrina Duke

And when that doesn't work we end up back at the top of this posts listening to empowering playlists, reading self-help blogs, and begging out friends to recite those trite aphorisms. I mean, we need to get the confidence that our analysis failed to provide us in some way. And we do. We have great friends, family, and advisors that push us (lovingly of course) off the edge of what ever decision cliff we are so precariously balancing on in the moment; sometimes they wait for us to close our eyes, sometimes they don't, guess that depends on your friends. The point is we make it off the cliff and we land. We always land.

Not going to guarantee a graceful landing, you might end up with a scrape or bruise or two but land you shall. And if my friend is right I am going to end up taking a leap of faith in myself and land smiling. Guess this risk is one I am just about convinced I am willing to take, see you on the other side.

you can't always get what you want

Sometimes you don't know what it is that you want.  When you are young and the world is your oyster, the world presents so many opportunities.  When you play, you let your imagination run free.  One day your stuffed animals are jurors in a courtroom as you recite lines overheard on TV law shows, the next they are guests at your table as you create then some inedible meal of Play-Doh spaghetti, and the day after that you are rescuing them from a burning building.  You can literally be anything you want to be, anything.  You don't have to be good at it, its not real.  You aren't going to lose sleep over convicting an innocent bear, giving food poisoning to a bunny, or not being able to save the turtle.  In fact, you are spending so much time focusing on the fun, that you don't even realize there would be consequences.

Kids play "doctor", not "navigating malpractice insurance" for a reason.

As we get older, we start narrowing down our hobbies; find the things that we are most passionate about and focus our time and energy there.  Sure we still play a few sports in high school, we take a variety of classes, participate in a number of clubs- but you have your favorite.  Then in college the field gets even further narrowed down.  Things start becoming more real, consequences become more evident and a need for more focus is determined and we, as smart human beings, do our best to make that commitment and accomplish more in that particular field.  Somewhere along the lines, most people make this decision about what it is they are going to do, for real.

For some, the lucky few, it comes more naturally- their passion and talent align.  They simply focus on what they are best at, and add a little extra effort to make it work for them.  For others it's a little trickier, but still do-able- their passion is great, but the natural ability to support it is not.  They have to work hard, put in a real effort to be able to turn their passion into their livelihood, but with enough passion, a little guidance and education will get you there no problem.  But there is another option here and this is where I find myself.  At a place where the passion and talent are indeterminable.

How can I make progress when I do not know where it is that I want to progress to?  I know I want certain things in life, but I am still searching for that driving force.  Maybe there is a powerful skill I have yet to discover that will help me out.  Or maybe I will develop a passion for something so deep that I will have no choice but to devote future endeavors to it.  But until then, I stand at a crossroads, so desperately wanting to move forward, but with so many directions to choose from I feel so stuck here.  I need to want to go my own way.

You can't always get what you want.  Because sometimes you don't know what exactly that is...

small victories

We all know there are many phases of life, and the ebb and flow of life leads to some of these phases being better than others. The good times are great, maybe it was your glory days of high school, your animal house in college, maybe it's being married to the love of your life and starting a family- doesn't much matter what it actually is that makes you the happiest, it's more about how everything seems to fall neatly and effortlessly into place. However, as my high school physics teacher once said, "the mutual forces of action and reaction between two bodies are equal, opposite and collinear" (sure he could have said "what goes up must come down," but Mr. Miller was always kind of a show-off). And this, my friends, is NOT just Newton's third law of motion, it's a pretty accurate statement on life. For every high point where everything is coming up roses, there is that time where you can't catch a break to save your soul. And for whatever reason, these lows always seem more relentless and inescapable than the highs.

When times are good, it's easy to keep them that way because there are (seemingly) more good things on which to focus. And the bad times make you feel like you are in a bottomless pit because everywhere you look something else is going wrong to bring your mood down. So I guess what it comes down to is what it is that you are focusing on- you may not be able to change what surrounds you, but you always have a chance to change your attitude when you look for what is scarce.

You can have the best life that there is to have- perfect job, house, car, significant other, friends, family, and so on... but still only see the little thing that is not as perfect as it could be, and then that one little thing can keep you from enjoying all the rest that life had to offer. And conversely, when everything seems to be going wrong, all it takes is one little thing, one small victory to help your mind lead the rest of you into a better state. Maybe it's that one show you like, that phone call with a friend you haven't heard from in a while, that email from a certain someone that makes you smile, the fact that in trying to save some money you gave yourself a manicure and it came out pretty darn good- the point is, when everything is going wrong, there is still something, some LITTLE thing that went right.

They say it's all about mentality, and I am all about the "mind over matter" thing, recently my mind has been down and my matter has been even down-er (yes I know it's grammatically incorrect but it works for dramatic effect people, work with me here) and I need to make a bigger effort to notice the little things and celebrate life's small victories. That is if I can figure out how....

free form destiny

Someone asked me where I wanted to be (professionally) in 5 years today.  My honest response was, "that is a great question."  I have no freaking clue where I want to be five years from now- I barely know where I want to be tomorrow!  Thinking back five years ago, did I think I would be sitting here with my markting degree in a technology company doing B2B marketing? NOPE.  Did I think I would be living where I live, with who I live with?  NOPE.  Did I think that any piece of my life would be the way it is?  NOPE.  I think you get the point. 


But it's not like I didn't have a plan.  In fact, I had a very detailed, structured five year plan.  Everything from career, to continued education, to hobbies, to personal relationships was mapped out, color coded, I'm pretty sure I even had a couple of flow charts kicking around.  Seriously!  But somewhere along those five years, life happened.  And here I am floating around, my main concern being staying afloat, I haven't even begun to think about where I want to go let alone how I am going to get there.  This is a problem in my life.  Or maybe it's not.


After establishing that I have no freaking clue where I want to take my professional career, I got some great advice from two of my mentors- you know you have good mentors when two of them have the same advice.  "Think about what position you want to be in five years from now, figure out what skills that would take, and keep a list of both skills that you have that fall in line with the position requirements as well as those that you need to acquire before you have the full gamete.  Work on getting experiences that build the skills you are missing and there in lies your plan."


Brilliant advice if you don't know how to get where you are going: start at the end and work backwards.  However, it doesn't really help if you have no clue where you want to be in five years.  The point being, you can plan, execute, review, and repeat all day in order to meet your goals, but figuring out what goals to set has to come from somewhere.  I would refer back to my head vs. heart post.  They both have their appropriate functions: our brain can easily figure out how to get where we are going, but our heart has to select where that destination is.  And until it decides where you want to go, it's ok to float, just make sure you enjoy the ride.

independence day

Yes, I am looking forward to summer this much, but that is not the purpose of the title.  We spend our entire childhood wanting to grow up and be on our own and do everything for ourselves.  I remember feeling trapped by my surroundings, simply waiting for the day when I could be totally independent; making decisions for myself rather than having the choice dictated by my circumstances promised to be wonderfully liberating.  Then I woke up in the real world being all independent and whatnot, and you know what?  It's not all I planned it to be.  Yes parents- you were right, happy?

When we are really young- our caretakers make all our decisions for us.  We start going to school and we take the classes we are told and do the activities our parents think are best.  Then, in high school, we are given more options with class selection and activity- but more often that not that is just an expansion of following what we had been told to do by our investing ourselves more in them.  And really we make the decisions based on more technical things like what will get us into the college of our choosing for example.  Then we get to college - ULTIMATE FREEDOM... but then again not really.  While this is the first time really out of the nest as they say- we still have a slew of things and people to direct us: graduation requirements, resume building, and the desire to land our dream job guide our more academic/career decisions while counselors, professors, and advisors help us with life's difficulties.  

The life happens.  And although the rug isn't pulled out from underneath us per se, the safety nets that have been forever getting further and further away seem to have vanished completely.  There is little other than ourselves that guide our decision making.  And while it feels good while everything is coming up roses, our first encounter with a weed makes us realize how much easier we had it when someone had laid out our outfit for us the night before.  We know we are capable of taking in the facts, processing the information and our feelings around it, and making the right decision.  But it's scary.

Fortunately, we still have people there to help- friends, family, mentors, the internet, the crazy cat lady down the street (hey, don't judge, when you are trying to make a tough decision you will seek advice from and a conversation with anyone); so many people are willing to provide their insights and give advice.  But that's all it is- advice.  Yeah, sure, it's from people who have been there and done that, but their situation and emotions make it such that they will never be able to give you an empirical right answer to what you are facing.  It's the blessing and curse about life- we all go through similar experiences, but just like fireworks, no two are alike.  

We have to remember that we are smart people, we learn for our experiences, and we have people that want to support us through life offering up their knowledge for our benefit.  Take a deep breath, take everything in and know that at the end of the day, you got your wish for independence; time to make your decisions your own and then to own your decisions.

haves and have nots

So I may have made a major life decision tonight; rather than wishing I grew up in the 80's as opposed to being born in them, I might just wish I grew up in the 60's.  I went to see Hair with my mother, 2 aunts, and my grandmother.  Really not as awkward as you would think considering the night consisted of 3 hours of sex acts, acid trips, and a full-fontal of the entire cast.  As great as the theater experience was (highly recommended), the message it offered was even greater.

Obviously it was the typical message you think of when you think of the 60's- "hell no we wont go," "make love not war," "peace & love."  And obviously this is right up my ally seeing as I own a shirt that says "make love not war."  Now that I think about it is in neon 80's colors, hmmm... there's an interesting coincidence, but we'll leave that for later.  So even though there are so many places I could go with this type of idealistic viewpoint being thrust (and I literally mean thrust) upon me, what stood out the most is something even more basic.  There is one point in the story where one of the main characters is asked the series of questions all us young adults dread: "What are you doing with your life?" "When are you going to grow up and make the responsible choices?" "What do you have?"

The character's response was a song (it's a musical, duhh!) with a canorous list of body parts.  He literally listed everything from eyes and ears to arms and hands to legs and toes; then, more importantly, moved on to highlight that he has his mind, heart, and soul.  Pretty basic stuff.  Was is the answer to the question?  Yeah.  Was it a total wise-ass response?  Of course, he was a hippie people- fight the man and keep up won't you!  Was it a GREAT response? Hell yeah- in so many ways.

So what if it wasn't much than he was born with?  That's what really matters in life, these are the basic things that make us who we are- the things that no one can take away from us or discredit us for in any way.  Not only is his highlighting the basics as important a powerful sentiment, the mindset that drives this enhances it as well; he is focusing on what he has, not dwelling on what he doesn't.

As a culture we get so caught up in what we don't have; we get concerned that others have more than we do, are doing better than we are.  We get lost in the "if only's" and forget what really matters and all we really do have.  We have so much, there are always so many things that are going right in our lives.  But somehow one negative outweighs 2, 3, 4, or even more positives.   This is not a way to lead a happy life and so we need to be reminded of these things.  This is what the purpose of art (as idealistic as it is) is- to remind us not to get bogged down with the unfortunate realities and reinvigorate our sense hope.  We need something to motivate us to get up everyday- positivity and idealism work for me. 

natural glow

So today, my random musing of the day was how frustrated I was with myself for having let my hands turn orange due to the inappropriate application of tanning moisturizer.  That's as deep as it got.  Then my mind started to wander to whether or not I could compose an entire blog post on my moisturizer mess up.  Stay with me now...


So I took the situation and broke it down into its simplest form, why was I frustrated?  Because I had created an unnecessary problem for myself by choosing to ignore a painfully simply activity that I knew would have a larger positive impact in the future.  I literally made a problem for myself by consciously not taking action that I easily could have.  Yeah, sure, I just have orange hands this time, but how often had I done this in the past in much more serious situations with more serious implications?


Too many.


Procrastination on assignments and studying in school, missed networking in my professional career, not making effort in my personal relationships.  I wouldn't call the list endless, but I wasn't having any trouble finding examples of times where a simple action in the beginning would have made my life worlds better later.  But what really got me?  Is that I kept doing it; why was I not learning my lesson?  Why are my hands orange?


In the moment, we make the best decision we can with the facts and resources available; not always an optimal decision making environment, byt that doesn't change the fact that we need to make the decision.  And we make that decision, we must live with the consequences (don't hate me for using that phrase, I'm already hating myself enough, but- ughh- it's true.). However, we have the benefit of hindsight (it's 20/20 don't you know) and I need to take better advantage of it.  


We might not always make the right decision in the moment, but if we take the time to analyze our decision making based on the results, the ease/difficulty of getting there, the pain/pleasure caused, we learn.  We learn how we operate and how effective we are.  And when we do this, we become more successful in the future.  Insightful, right?  Totally, but remember, I'm still orange.  It takes time, and lots of experiences, and a little reminder that we should be seeking out these learning experiences and being our own teachers.


Bet that's the last time you doubt my ability to make something out of nothing. ;)