and i promise you...

...I will learn from my mistakes.  We all make mistakes- it's a natural part of life.  Some are bigger than others, but every little one is the catalyst for growth.  No toddler just takes off running the first time they prop themselves up.  They stumble, they fall, they make mistakes- this is how they learn.  No one gets it right the first time (however if you know anyone who gets it right the first time every time I want them on my non-existent payroll).

So walking, basic motor skill- not easy to master, and I want to talk about trust.  Trust, one of the hardest human emotions to wrangle (feel free to picture a cowboy roping cows branded with different emoticons, as that's what I am doing).  Trust is hard because it falls at the crossroads between the head and the heart; it is the fine balance between intuition and logic, between feeling and ration.  And the worst part is that trust is a balance between what is earned and given.

Trust is so complicated because you have to depend not only on your internal struggle, but also someone else's.  People are complicated creatures, which is a great thing because it makes us interesting and this life worth living, but we all know "interesting" is just a euphemism for "I need to turn a negative into a positive without going as far to actually saying I like it..."  I believe it is true, what they all say... at least now I do:  first that you cannot trust others until you trust yourself and second that those who cannot trust, cannot be trusted.

I learned that as far as I have come, I still have much to learn when it comes to completely trusting myself (and admit that it's ok to let myself change my mind if I so need).  Trust truly does have to be mutual- one person cannot trust another that person does not trust them back.  And as much as those who aren't trusted can never earn said trust, if they are unwilling to trust others- take it as a sign, they are most likely not worthy of your trust.

In this life there are so few moments, and even fewer people worthy of sharing them with.  Each moment should each be treasured for what it gives to us and so should each person.  There is not enough time to be spending moments with people that have anything other than your best interest in mind.  I have made some huge mistakes in the past.  I have taken advantage of other people's trust and had others do the same to me.  Lessons learned?  We all make mistakes, we all control how said mistakes form our character, some characters are a lot better than others, and you need to carefully examine the character of those you let in your life- only the top should have the ability to earn your trust.

head vs. heart

Why is it always an epic battle?  Being a well studied girl, I know that your brain is a well oiled machine, as you have literally spent the entirety of your life training it and testing it to make sure that it is ready to get you through difficult choices when they come up in life.  You get confident in your ability to think rationally and make decisions based on facts, backed up by previous experiences.  It's great, you're ready to go.


And then it happens- decision time.  Life throws some crazy thing at you and you have to make a decision.  Ok brain, your turn to shine- hit me with the right decision based on reason, logic, and facts!


And it does (it always does).  But for some reason, your heart decides it wants to chime in- and it wants to be heard.  Seemingly out of nowhere, your heart starts making decisions based on wishes and dreams and rainbows and butterfies or some other nonsense.  Your brain knows this is a terrible, terrible idea, but even though your heart was not trained properly for these types of decisions- it's a hell of a lot louder than your brain; it wins.


You get hurt (shocker).


Your brain never lets you or your heart forget that it's wrong.  And your heart vows to surrender all decision making efforts to the brain from this day forward because it doesn't want to hurt like this again.  You eat your pint of ice cream and/or entire tube of cookie dough, shed some tears, and move on- a stronger, wiser person you become.  Then comes decision time again.  Your brain delivers, your heart yells, your heart wins and the pain ensues.  


Does it hurt?  Yup, most of the time.  Do we learn?  Yeah... well, eventually.  Is it the best way to go through life?  Yes, because if we let our brain win all the time then we risk losing out on the time our heart is actually right; that time where the pleasure makes you forget you ever knew what pain was.  


The heart is very useful- impractical as the wizard says, but even a man made of the coldest metal wants to feel.  In the epic battle of head vs. heart- the head should be consulted, but the heart wins.