... but you can, and you do.
We all know the adage about the inside being what matters; that the content trumps the package in which it is delivered. But what happens when we grow up and realize that the cover actually matters. Of course we know we need the substance, but dusty books with odd covers are often left on the shelf regardless if the content. And what good is even the greatest story when it never reaches eyes because it's fate was dictated by the facade that supposedly matters little compared to the value within?
How unfair is it to the complex and fulfilling stories to have to sit idly by as their shallow and unimpressive counterparts fly past them off the shelves simply because their flashy exteriors announce (false) promises to the world? And even when those promises fall short it is somehow ok because they "appear" to deliver? How comforting is that simple adage then? Not very, and it sucks. But the thing about books is that they got stuck with their one unchangeable cover. Us people, we can enhance our covers.
Now I am not saying that we should have to break ourselves only to squeeze the pieces of our former selves into a mold shaping us into an unrecognizable being. But I am saying that if the story is great, so should be the cover. And if the story sucks, then so should the cover. The cover should be an accurate preview of whatever (insert adjective here) is contained within.
We always try to be ourselves, displaying as much of our story on the outside as we can (or know how). But the things with people is that sometimes we don't realize how awesome our story actually is. We don't necessarily give ourselves the same chances of having others want to really invest themselves in our story because we keep the dusty jacket of yesteryear. And we should change that.
Sometimes our stories change. The way we presented ourselves yesterday might have been a perfect advertisement of the story within at that point, but our stories are constantly evolving with each experience. And sometimes we forget to update the outside to make sure our current story delivers on the promises of the outside, which we know really matters.
So look at your cover and listen to your story, and make sure that your story delivers on its cover promises. And when your appearance isn't as awesome as your story - refresh it. And when your story isn't as awesome as your cover - go live your life and write the story that delivers on those promises.
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Monday, May 20, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
is this real life?
Anyone that knows me knows that I love a good crime drama. I love to escape into the fantasy of chasing the bad guy and determining why a crafted villan executed his absurd crimes. The problem is that recently, I can barely differentiate the terrifying reality of the local news with the fantastic escape of these made up tales. The crime scenes are not sets built to look familiar, they are the stores I frequent and neighborhoods I have driven through on streets that I know. The responding officers are not actors, they are my neighbors. The blood of the wounded and killed is not from the prop closet, it is from the hearts of those that loved people close to me and protected our homes.
How is this real? I know that being in a "lockdown" is to keep us safe so I try to take comfort in a day at home. But then I watch SWAT teams invade not a camp in a warzone... or a city in another country... or even a city in a different state, but the neighborhood down the street. Down the street. That's not a random mall that they are using as a terrorist-tracking base camp, that's the mall I was at last week - there is a military vehicle where I parked my Corolla last week. This doesn't happen here. It happens, but it doesn't happen HERE.
Shit just got real and I am NOT handling it well. And this is barely happening to me.
I am one of the lucky ones - I got the "you're next-door, so you lockdown too" warning. I got the "shaken, but ok" responses from my panicked texts and frantic calls. I got to respond with "good, please stay safe" and someone was alive and well on the receiving end. There are others out there that are not that lucky. They are sitting in their houses, afraid to watch the chaos unfolding outside their front door, literally. They are in hospital rooms or worse, staring at make-shift memorials trying to wrap their minds about how they are going to continue on without loved ones.
So if I'm removed, why can't I handle it? Because this is what it means to be human: to feel on behalf of someone else. And even though we want to remove ourselves from such horrible experiences, we cannot ignore what hits home. We use physical distance to create emotional distance from tragedy because without that defense mechanism we would never be able to muster-up the strength to exist, but then it happens down the street and you have no choice but to be affected.
So here we are Boston, being affected. And it sucks. But so far we have done a damn good job. We have helped each other, we have informed each other, we have been there for each other, and we are feeling for each other. We are Boston Strong and we will continue to live up to our reputation of being the tough, resilient city at the foundation of America.
"You showed us, Boston, that in the face of evil, Americans will lift up what's good. In the face of cruelty, we will choose compassion. In the face of those who would visit death upon innocents, we will choose to save and to comfort and to heal. We'll choose friendship. We'll choose love." - President Barack Obama
Boston, you're my home. And I cannot wait until it is a wicked peaceful place once more.
How is this real? I know that being in a "lockdown" is to keep us safe so I try to take comfort in a day at home. But then I watch SWAT teams invade not a camp in a warzone... or a city in another country... or even a city in a different state, but the neighborhood down the street. Down the street. That's not a random mall that they are using as a terrorist-tracking base camp, that's the mall I was at last week - there is a military vehicle where I parked my Corolla last week. This doesn't happen here. It happens, but it doesn't happen HERE.
Shit just got real and I am NOT handling it well. And this is barely happening to me.
I am one of the lucky ones - I got the "you're next-door, so you lockdown too" warning. I got the "shaken, but ok" responses from my panicked texts and frantic calls. I got to respond with "good, please stay safe" and someone was alive and well on the receiving end. There are others out there that are not that lucky. They are sitting in their houses, afraid to watch the chaos unfolding outside their front door, literally. They are in hospital rooms or worse, staring at make-shift memorials trying to wrap their minds about how they are going to continue on without loved ones.
So if I'm removed, why can't I handle it? Because this is what it means to be human: to feel on behalf of someone else. And even though we want to remove ourselves from such horrible experiences, we cannot ignore what hits home. We use physical distance to create emotional distance from tragedy because without that defense mechanism we would never be able to muster-up the strength to exist, but then it happens down the street and you have no choice but to be affected.
So here we are Boston, being affected. And it sucks. But so far we have done a damn good job. We have helped each other, we have informed each other, we have been there for each other, and we are feeling for each other. We are Boston Strong and we will continue to live up to our reputation of being the tough, resilient city at the foundation of America.
"You showed us, Boston, that in the face of evil, Americans will lift up what's good. In the face of cruelty, we will choose compassion. In the face of those who would visit death upon innocents, we will choose to save and to comfort and to heal. We'll choose friendship. We'll choose love." - President Barack Obama
Boston, you're my home. And I cannot wait until it is a wicked peaceful place once more.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
sometimes life just sucks
this one is for my sister.
You do everything right: you work hard, you get better, you do what is expected of you (and sometimes even more). Then you fail!
...
Doesn't make sense. Nope, not at all. But wake up kids- we are not surrounded by singing dwarves and synchronized birds while we eagerly await our prince's eminent arrival (and if you are, you might want to check the date on that bottle next time...). This is not a fairy tale. This is the real world, where sometimes things really suck.
But it is only sometimes. And really, it is a good thing. You see, life is relative: it there was no defeat then there would be no victory, no failure then no succes, no enemies then no friends. The sunny days are only enjoyable because of the rainy days that nourished the things that we enjoy so much about sunny days- the negative is promoting the growth (in this case, literally as well as metaphorically speaking) of the positive. And maybe, just maybe, we appreciate those sunny days more after we deal with the struggle of spending the miserably rainy days doing things we do not want to do.
And life is not about the fall, rather the getting back up. No matter how you do it, you will get up: you might pop right up completely unscathed, you might be down for a while and need help to get back or you might jump up with a smile on your face (despite a broken bone or two) and continue on as if there is nothing wrong. And no matter what brought you down- accidental stumble, intentional act of someone else trying to trip you (or just falling over your own feet if you happen to be a referee), or a complete and utter wipe-out- you will get up and you will be better for it.
The fall is where we start living - defining our character. These are the moments that push us out of our comfort zones so that we can start re-building our bigger and better selves. And it is a repeating process - once that new, larger comfort zone is established, it is time to start pushing beyond those walls as well. No one said it would be easy, but just remember that those moments where you are feeling so defeated, like you will never get up and be able to move on, are the moments that you will be thankful for: you aren't going to remember them as the time that brought you great pain, you will remember them as the experience that made you who you are.
You may have stumbled today, and you are going to fall again. But you are going to get up and become a better person each an every time. Keep falling, just keep getting up. So proud of you.
You do everything right: you work hard, you get better, you do what is expected of you (and sometimes even more). Then you fail!
...
Doesn't make sense. Nope, not at all. But wake up kids- we are not surrounded by singing dwarves and synchronized birds while we eagerly await our prince's eminent arrival (and if you are, you might want to check the date on that bottle next time...). This is not a fairy tale. This is the real world, where sometimes things really suck.
 |
| Source: flickriver.com/photos/tags/raws/interesting |
And life is not about the fall, rather the getting back up. No matter how you do it, you will get up: you might pop right up completely unscathed, you might be down for a while and need help to get back or you might jump up with a smile on your face (despite a broken bone or two) and continue on as if there is nothing wrong. And no matter what brought you down- accidental stumble, intentional act of someone else trying to trip you (or just falling over your own feet if you happen to be a referee), or a complete and utter wipe-out- you will get up and you will be better for it.
The fall is where we start living - defining our character. These are the moments that push us out of our comfort zones so that we can start re-building our bigger and better selves. And it is a repeating process - once that new, larger comfort zone is established, it is time to start pushing beyond those walls as well. No one said it would be easy, but just remember that those moments where you are feeling so defeated, like you will never get up and be able to move on, are the moments that you will be thankful for: you aren't going to remember them as the time that brought you great pain, you will remember them as the experience that made you who you are.
You may have stumbled today, and you are going to fall again. But you are going to get up and become a better person each an every time. Keep falling, just keep getting up. So proud of you.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
two freaking years
I almost called this post, "Time Heals All Wounds." But then I realized that was a boldface lie. Well, maybe not, but it is not a statement I feel comfortable saying emphatically (or at all). Time may ease the sting of even the worst burn, it may fade bold colors into nothing more than a faint outline, it may even turn a boulder into the grains of sand that wash upon a beach. But the truth is that time changes, it doesn't erase- that faint memory of what was, even if only a mere shadow of its former self never ceases to exist, it just exists differently.
Today I am different. Time has not stopped my existence, rather it has altered the way I exist and I would like to think for the better. I am NOT that same girl that just two years ago dragged herself across a graduation stage already wishing she could undo that walk and what it represented. That girl exists, and its a good thing. Because that girl, as much as the mere idea of her brings pain, she is the shadow of what was, the reminder of what has been and will not be again. Treasured for what she was, but appreciated as only a mere a memory, not an omen.
Today I am different. I have been doing this whole "real life" thing for a full two years now, TWO YEARS. And a lot has happened in that time: I've gone from full time student to full time marketer, from confident senior in the protective bubble of college to the low man on the totem pole of life, from petrified interviewee to petrified interviewer (ok maybe not THAT much has changed...).
Today I am different. This is an interesting day for me- a celebration of a great time in my life (and another great time a year later), but also a painful reminder of the past. It has made this time of year has been a struggle- on top of the fact that it is already the "in between" time. Spring- not warm and clear enough to really be summer nor cold and raw enough to be winter, unpredictable- not crazy enough to call it busy season, but not slow and steady enough to phone it in (like I am even capable of that...). In a word, complicated. In two, overwhelmingly so.
It is a beginning... and an end.... and a beginning.
Take this as an opportunity to appreciate the pleasure and pain brought on by the memories of the past, but remember that those memories are no longer the boulders that once weighed you down and they have become the sand that you can now use to build your castles of the future. Take the extra time to look at what you have already built to get where you are, and what you can build more to the future.
 |
| Source: http://youtu.be/LZ0epRjfGLw |
Today I am different. I have been doing this whole "real life" thing for a full two years now, TWO YEARS. And a lot has happened in that time: I've gone from full time student to full time marketer, from confident senior in the protective bubble of college to the low man on the totem pole of life, from petrified interviewee to petrified interviewer (ok maybe not THAT much has changed...).
Today I am different. This is an interesting day for me- a celebration of a great time in my life (and another great time a year later), but also a painful reminder of the past. It has made this time of year has been a struggle- on top of the fact that it is already the "in between" time. Spring- not warm and clear enough to really be summer nor cold and raw enough to be winter, unpredictable- not crazy enough to call it busy season, but not slow and steady enough to phone it in (like I am even capable of that...). In a word, complicated. In two, overwhelmingly so.
It is a beginning... and an end.... and a beginning.
Take this as an opportunity to appreciate the pleasure and pain brought on by the memories of the past, but remember that those memories are no longer the boulders that once weighed you down and they have become the sand that you can now use to build your castles of the future. Take the extra time to look at what you have already built to get where you are, and what you can build more to the future.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
oh the things you can think
A poem.
(And yes it is one of those ones that doesn't rhyme.)
So many things I want to do.
No.
I want to hear your voice.
No, not yours...
I'm talking to him.
The one that loves me even though he shouldn't.
So yeah, not you... Not you at all.
Want.
I wish I took the chance.
I can't,
It's not right.
We can't.
Emptiness.
It fills me from the inside.
The desperation,
Longing to fill it.
Love.
You will.
It isn't fair.
Not to you.
Sad.
I want to call him too...
And him.
Just tell me I am ok.
Anyone.
Cry.
Because it hurts.
If you care, it can't work.
Not good enough.
Selfish.
Get what I want, what I need.
Use any and all of you the way you used me.
That's not who I am, or is it?
I need to put me first, but I can't.
Contradiction.
Think.
I don't want you forever.
I just want you for now.
And him tomorrow and her the day after that.
Regret.
Too unsure of you, more unsure of me.
Loneliness hurts.
Insecurity hurts more.
Life.
Pretending I dont hate what it's doing to me.
Pretending that I have to keep putting up with it.
Pretending my life is quirkily awesome rather than painfully tragic.
Pretending I'm over it.
Alright.
Not now.
Seems like never.
Change someday.
Pretending.
(And yes it is one of those ones that doesn't rhyme.)
So many things I want to do.
No.
I want to hear your voice.
No, not yours...
I'm talking to him.
The one that loves me even though he shouldn't.
So yeah, not you... Not you at all.
Want.
I wish I took the chance.
I can't,
It's not right.
We can't.
Emptiness.
It fills me from the inside.
The desperation,
Longing to fill it.
Love.
You will.
It isn't fair.
Not to you.
Sad.
I want to call him too...
And him.
Just tell me I am ok.
Anyone.
Cry.
Because it hurts.
If you care, it can't work.
Not good enough.
Selfish.
Get what I want, what I need.
Use any and all of you the way you used me.
That's not who I am, or is it?
I need to put me first, but I can't.
Contradiction.
Think.
I don't want you forever.
I just want you for now.
And him tomorrow and her the day after that.
Regret.
Too unsure of you, more unsure of me.
Loneliness hurts.
Insecurity hurts more.
Life.
Pretending I dont hate what it's doing to me.
Pretending that I have to keep putting up with it.
Pretending my life is quirkily awesome rather than painfully tragic.
Pretending I'm over it.
Alright.
Not now.
Seems like never.
Change someday.
Pretending.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
it's a new daw, its' a new day...
It's a new year. As most are doing today, I'm sitting here judging myself and my actions from the past year. Some might call it reflecting, reviewing, debriefing... I'm totally judging myself. I mean it's mostly good, but I'm not one to lie and I had my moments that were totally judge-worthy starting with last night, but that's a story for another day. I've been through a lot of ups and downs this year; literally some of the best and worst things that have happened in my life have happened in the last 365 days, and I couldn't be happier about it.
I made and re-made some of the best friendships that have strengthened me as a person and allowed me to truly enjoy life. I've had some of these awesome people that supported me when I most needed it, some that were there fir life's celebrations, and some that challenged me, like flat out called me out, which was painful but so necessary. Part of the existence of this blog (besides capturing the ridiculous series of events that is my life) is to help remind me that no one is perfect and I'm not even close. I have a lot of learning ahead of me and without the occasional push, how am I supposed to get better? So from the bottom of my heart, thank you for giving me the wake up call I obviously needed.
I found love this year. I honestly didn't think it was possible with the way things were playing, but it happened. It hit me like a ton of bricks. And it changed my life completely, for the better because it made me realize it could happen and that I could feel something other than empty. One person brought so much feeling back into my life and really kicked my heart into gear. Although the Wizard of Oz said that they would not be practical until they were made unbreakable, I may be just as happy as the Tinman to have mine back. Of course, this brings back the pain along with the joy, but the lessons learned and the feelings rushing back made the whole things one of the best, most enriching experiences of 2011 and my life.
I found some confidence in 2011. I have a long way to go, but there is definitely significantly more self respect this year than there was last time around and it is starting to make it's presence know (spoiler alert, there are big changes being spurred by this new-found trait in the next few weeks). All in all, 2011 brought great things and with how much farther I am today than I was January 1, 2011, 2012 is primed to be the best year ever and I couldn't be any more excited.
The official 2012 resolutions:
I made and re-made some of the best friendships that have strengthened me as a person and allowed me to truly enjoy life. I've had some of these awesome people that supported me when I most needed it, some that were there fir life's celebrations, and some that challenged me, like flat out called me out, which was painful but so necessary. Part of the existence of this blog (besides capturing the ridiculous series of events that is my life) is to help remind me that no one is perfect and I'm not even close. I have a lot of learning ahead of me and without the occasional push, how am I supposed to get better? So from the bottom of my heart, thank you for giving me the wake up call I obviously needed. I found love this year. I honestly didn't think it was possible with the way things were playing, but it happened. It hit me like a ton of bricks. And it changed my life completely, for the better because it made me realize it could happen and that I could feel something other than empty. One person brought so much feeling back into my life and really kicked my heart into gear. Although the Wizard of Oz said that they would not be practical until they were made unbreakable, I may be just as happy as the Tinman to have mine back. Of course, this brings back the pain along with the joy, but the lessons learned and the feelings rushing back made the whole things one of the best, most enriching experiences of 2011 and my life.
I found some confidence in 2011. I have a long way to go, but there is definitely significantly more self respect this year than there was last time around and it is starting to make it's presence know (spoiler alert, there are big changes being spurred by this new-found trait in the next few weeks). All in all, 2011 brought great things and with how much farther I am today than I was January 1, 2011, 2012 is primed to be the best year ever and I couldn't be any more excited.
The official 2012 resolutions:
- Make mistakes. I am giving myself permission to make all the mistakes I want, as long as I learn from them.
- Try harder. Life doesn't give you anything for free, so I will be working (even more so) my ass off for it.
- Be (truly) honest. With myself and others, sugarcoating life doesn't do any one any good and it just makes everything sticky.
- Grow professionally. I need to push myself in my career to make sure I am getting the most from my company and they are getting the most from me; I want to further develop skills and get my name out there for the professional work I know I am capable of producing.
- Network better. I want to meet new people, make new relationships, and find ways to further connect the people and things in my life.
- Look good, feel better. Yes I am reviving this from 2010. They always say to dress for the job you want rather than the one you have, so I am going to really take care of myself and start dressing all impeccable-like and living with the confidence I should have considering what I have accomplished in life.
- Smile always. I am a generally happy person but evidently my outward appearance does not always show it so bust out your shades people because you are gonna be getting all kinds of flashes of these pearly whites. :)
- Be real. We all live online, on our phones, on anything that's not really real. And I don't want to have to tell my kids I met their dad (god willing) on Facebook and then have to explain what Facebook is. Wow, I don't want to get old.
- Love freely. I don't want to hold back anymore, nor do want to grow to be a spinster, so I am going to join the O'Jays and start a Love Train if you will. No more screwing around (those of you that know me well know what I mean).
- Never settle. I owe it to myself to want better for me and, while respecting reality, I will expect more both for myself and from myself.
- I'm not perfect. And it's ok. I am going to have my moments where I am a bitch, or a mess, or irresponsible, or immature. I am going to cry, or scream, or embarrass myself. And I forgive myself for that.
- Ask for help. I am not going to get through this alone and asking my friends for support is not a bad thing, in fact it is good. My friends, family, support system, are awesome and there is no reason for me to be ashamed for needing an/or asking for that help.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
(not) feeling it
I really wish I was feeling this (or anything) more. I have 4 posts in draft, but nothing is really ready to be let out into the great unknown world of the internet. So for now I will say: expect the unexpected, tomorrow is another day, and things happen (pause) there are reasons.
Keep your head up, and let others help you do so. We aren't in this alone, even thought we might have to go into battle solo, the support is there for sure. Take it when you can and be sure to thank them and be there to support them in return.
Life will make sense someday. Maybe not to you, or me, or anyone who as 2 brain cells that synapse at the same time, but to someone. Find the hope in that and hold onto it for dear life, because tonight people, that's all I got for you.
I am not going to put up here something that I don't feel. And tonight (obviously), I don't feel very coordinated, logical, or much of anything really. So take what you can from this mess and keep holding on.
More to come.
Keep your head up, and let others help you do so. We aren't in this alone, even thought we might have to go into battle solo, the support is there for sure. Take it when you can and be sure to thank them and be there to support them in return. Life will make sense someday. Maybe not to you, or me, or anyone who as 2 brain cells that synapse at the same time, but to someone. Find the hope in that and hold onto it for dear life, because tonight people, that's all I got for you.
I am not going to put up here something that I don't feel. And tonight (obviously), I don't feel very coordinated, logical, or much of anything really. So take what you can from this mess and keep holding on.
More to come.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
i get attached. so what?
I have feelings. They come out when I get close to people. I pretend like it doesnt happen, but it does. And its hard for me to deal with. Really hard. Because not only am I dealing with this difficult emotion but also because I am pretending to be so ok with it. So im not just trying to hide a feeling, but fake another one. I am good at faking things, but that doesnt make it easy (or preferable).
Is it so bad to have feelings? I've spent so much time avoiding them that I am not even sure anymore. One of the things that I love about myself is how much I care about others. I just hate how it always seems to get me in trouble. Passion is a great thing, but it can really get you in trouble because that intense feeling takes over ration and common sense. That's what's so magical about feelings, when they are so strong that they make you forget that you are supposed to be a rational, process-driven entity.
I love that feeling of being swept up in the moment, not caring what makes sense and what doesn't. But it's also scary knowing that feelings can do that. So I guess I understand why I tried to turn them off for so long. Sometimes when you can't handle things, you go into self preservation mode and the easiest way to deal with an issue is to... well, not. But life does not operate on the premise of "if you ignore it, it goes away." We need to address our issues, face them head on, especially when it is a difficult one.
So I get attached. I care. And from now on, I'm done pretending otherwise.
Is it so bad to have feelings? I've spent so much time avoiding them that I am not even sure anymore. One of the things that I love about myself is how much I care about others. I just hate how it always seems to get me in trouble. Passion is a great thing, but it can really get you in trouble because that intense feeling takes over ration and common sense. That's what's so magical about feelings, when they are so strong that they make you forget that you are supposed to be a rational, process-driven entity.
I love that feeling of being swept up in the moment, not caring what makes sense and what doesn't. But it's also scary knowing that feelings can do that. So I guess I understand why I tried to turn them off for so long. Sometimes when you can't handle things, you go into self preservation mode and the easiest way to deal with an issue is to... well, not. But life does not operate on the premise of "if you ignore it, it goes away." We need to address our issues, face them head on, especially when it is a difficult one.
So I get attached. I care. And from now on, I'm done pretending otherwise.
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